Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Accident

It has been one week since our lives were altered by the accident. Horrific and tragic - yet I won't be using those descriptors again.

Because we have SAM! He's with us. His body has changed forever but he's still got the same spirit and I am seeing him emerge from his sadness and flickers of that little guy who could make me laugh and see red with regularity.

I have been described as strong and such and believe me, it is simply God and prayer. Sam is the one who has been so strong and he's not only fighting this setback, he's starting to shine. I can talk about when he gets new feet/legs and he'll look at me and give his head a shake of affirmation. He is still sad but at times I am too.

So am I mad at God? Heaven forbid, no! Haven't even thought of it. Where was God then? Right there. When I first realized I tried to grab Paul and Mary and get them up the hill to the house. We stopped on the driveway and held hands and I instructed them to pray. And we did. And we asked God to hold little Samuel. And He did.

During the long drive to the hospital (its about an hour) I was of course in shock and for the first part Marty and I drove in silence. I realized that it was grave and that we would very likely experience the horror of losing a child. I admitted that I didn't know what to pray. Sam's injuries were so severe that I felt selfish pleading with God not to take him from me. And yet I thought of Maria Sue Chapman and knew that I didn't care what - I wanted my son. And I was torn. How could he survive and yet, how could he ever function?

So I prayed specifically for Sam to know he was loved and to have peace and to realize he was being held in God's very hand. And that is exactly what happened.

Sam's injuries have altered his body permanently. We still do not know the exact extent - yet he is still our Sam. If I cannot look at his severed limbs and accept, then how can I ever ask for him to? And I have come to realize a couple of things this past week . . .

Sam is beautiful. His legs are beautiful, his arm is beautiful, his colostomy is as well. He is precious and although his legs are now "different" from many others, he is no less precious or loved or worthy. I saw his arm for the very first time today and as the area was being exposed I simply prayed that I could look at this area and see him simply as God did. I could look at his arm and then directly in his face and say . . . hey, it looks great! And I wasn't telling him a lie. He is gloriously and wonderfully made and this accident did not change that.

I live in Wisconsin so I have to put a Wisconsonite spin on it. This accident happened and to quote Brett Farve (during the recent trade request) . . . "it is what it is." I cannot change it. So as a Christian I can rant and wail and lament and lash out, or I can set my shoulders forward and step out in faith in this new direction. We had an accident and God stepped in a swooped up my child and carried us through to a place where Sam is able to begin the healing process.

This is an opportunity. We can either fold up and wither or we can choose to plant ourselves firmly right where we are and decide to aim for blossoming once again.

I have been enriched, embraced and enveloped in the body of Christ through this. How could I think about choosing otherwise?

16 comments:

PletcherFamily said...

I am following your Caring Page faithfully - love the updates. I am so glad that Sam is healing and you are starting to see him emerge. He will be full personality soon - I am sure! We are praying for him and know that he will soon be home. Take care of yourselves and all of those beautiful children!

Kim said...

Thank you for this encouraging post! I have been so sad over this little ones accident since I heard about it from Donna at Handsful. Your testimony of God's goodness is so encouraging for those of us who are praying for your family.

Now, I will be praying that the God of all comfort, grace, and mercy will sustain you all through these days and that through this terrible thing, God will be glorified and Sam will be the strongest boy ever!


Praying...

Diane, Mike and Tribe said...

Dear Carole,
I am so blessed to know you and your family. You faith sustains you and is inspiring to me. It has been such a long journey for you and Samuel in such a short time....Hold fast!!
Diane

sandi said...

WOW! Your faith is an encouragement to me in my daily life! I am so glad that Sam is doing well. We are still praying for your family!
Sandi

Ruth said...

Carole, this post is beautiful!! Your words are soo true and God has chosen you for the special task of being Sam's mother because you can look at this situation through the eyes of faith and love!! Press on and we are here standing in prayer and support!!!
Blessings,
Ruth

Karmen and Greg said...

What a beautiful post and a beautiful story that is yet to unfold. God has taken something so painful and ugly and is transforming it into a beautiful life and future. Your faith and strength throughout this process has inspired me. I can't wait to do that zoo trip with Samuel running on his new shoes! ; )

Nancy said...

Carole,

That is so beautiful. God is truly speaking through you and your family. "All things work together for good ..." ALL, not just the ones that seem good. I and my children read your Caring Bridge updates and appreciate your faithfulness in allowing us to share your story and uplift you in prayer. With Love & Blessings,
Nancy, Josiah, & Naomi
http://abundanceofgrace.blogspot.com

Audrey said...

You write beautifully - I can imagine that you are smiling as you write these words. What an amazing testimony! I have been praying for little Sam and I know that God hears our prayers!! Thank you for the updates.

Cat and Mark said...

We will be praying for you and your wonderful, spunky little man.

Elizabeth Bergeron said...

I love those photos of Sam and his beautiful smile! He has such spirit and that will pull him thru along with his loving family and our Heavenly Father.

The Morgan 4 said...

I am so encouraged by your faith! I KNOW it is of the Holy Spirit and could come from NO other being. Thank you for letting God's light shine through you and your family. You are so encouraging. I can't imagine the road you have ahead but you must have such peace when you can stay in that place where you know God is carrying you. Cling to His hope always. I know you have motivated me to get in this place.
Thank you and I pray God's peace and hope in you EVERY day.
Samuel is so beautiful...I love that sweet smile!
Casey from TN

Mark, Rebecca and Sophia said...

Thank you for sharing your heart, your sadness, your hope and your deep faith in a God who is very present. Your vulnerability is appreciated.

Alma said...

What a blessing to read your website about your sweet child and your faith in God. So many people want to blame God for everything and they are missing the blessing that God is there and He loves that little boy and your family. I lost my son to cancer and people did not understand our strengh and as you said it is not us it is God and He is with you through it all. We are human we get upset and scared but then we remember to place that fear and all in the arms of God. We are praying for your family and pray you son will continue to do well and handle all the hardship it brings. God bless all of you!

Christy O said...

Praying so hard for you all. We are in WI also, and a year ago brought home our sons from Ethiopia. It is such a journey - international adoption - and then we all enter daily life and try to work out a new normal. Praying for all of you after this accident! Take care of yourselves!

Kimmie said...

Praising God that He is holding you up and filling you (all) with His Spirit and His heart.

May God continue to bless you and know that you have family in CT that loves you and is praying for you.

Kimmie
mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted

Monica said...

What a testimony. Your son is so fortunate that you are so grounded and wise. I just read your story for the first time today (finding the Caring Bridge link first and reading it, then, later, finding a link to this blog in the sidebar of another blog)...the recent photos of your son just SHINE with his bright spirit. Our Lord brings forth beauty from ashes...my heart breaks for the pain and sorrow your little boy has had, but I believe God has amazing plans for your son's life and He chose just the family this little boy needed to see him through and help him blossom.

Your words here are such a blessing.

I will be praying for Samuel.