PhillipSONS

Paul

2009-03-17T11:22:00.003-06:00

Wow. What can I say about Paul? Its so funny because I was almost apprehensive about our being together again . . . he can be so quiet and distant and here I had invested myself so totally into Sam during the hospitalization and even immediate return home.

Paul is . . . remarkable is just lacking. He is a dichotomy. He's the caregiver, nurturer, advocate, bossy organizer and assistant. He's the clown who loves to elicit laughter. He's a prankster. I've found him to taunt and tease and have to admit that I have probably been too lenient in overlooking some things simply because I am amazed and relieved to see him reverting to being a little boy.

He is so open to love, to insights as to his foundation and life before in Ethiopia. I love him so fiercely. He regales us with tales (some of which are questionable in truth I may add) but I relish the details. We talk often of his Ethiopia Mama and Daddy. We talk of things that are far beyond the scope of what I would discuss with Mary, who is six months younger.

Paul and I talk of Sam and his emotional well-being and what we are facing as he is just realizing his physical limitations as the Wisconsin landscape emerges and awakens. We have to be supportive and yet not wallow in pity. He is worried that Sam will have too many challenges on the playground at school.

Paul is a student. He has an agenda . . . that boy. He yearns to learn with a fervor that astounds me. His fine motor skills allow him to write and draw with meticulous detail. He used to sing in the back of the van to himself often in Amharic and teach his sister words. Now he is singing in English. Just a few weeks back he was wanting to sing in Amharic and kept messing up - my heart lurched. I asked if he minded that he was forgetting and he just gazed at me with his "old soul" eyes and said . . . "No, I LOVE English." I admit my heart aches a little though at that thought.

Last week Paul and Mary had a patriotic musical program at school. We have been singing "Oh I love America" at the house for weeks but I when seeing my children march up on stage while playing their kazoos, and then seeing Paul with his drum . . . I cried. I was trying to shush the younger two sitting with us during the program to keep them from singing (laughing).

Paul can be such a tease. He is actually advanced in so many areas over Mary and at times will berate her schoolwork. Because of the accident we were allowed to advance them both a year in school and I believe without a doubt that Paul is in the place he needs to be . . . Mary I'm not convinced that another year of 5K wouldn't be most beneficial.

Paul's relationship with Julia is touching. She will often wake and stumble in the room to seek him out first before either Marty or I. I love it. Sam . . . well, that is sometimes a point of contention.

Paul will often care for Sam without my knowing. I have caught him carrying Sam up/down stairs to the basement or he will carry him out to the van before I even realize he's gone. He loves to help me cook and THAT is when I hear more stories of his Mom. When I am vacuuming, he will often hound me like a pesky fly . . . trying to take the attachments/unit from me.

And we talk of how we came to be here. I tell him that I love his Ethiopian family and that while I wish he had not known the pain of loss/separation that I am proud to be his Mama. I tell him of first learning of his existence and how we viewed our first photos of them (after we had already accepted their referral) and what we thought when we saw them. I told him that I saw him trying to smile but seeing fear and hope mixed. He sighed and said "I was scared." I tell him that I saw that and that my "mama heart" just ached to simply reach across the miles and pull him to me and whisper that it was going to be okay. And he melts against me with contentment. We talk often of his friends from both the orphanage and even before and he has stories and smiles.

Paul has selective hearing. He can be manipulative. He is normal. We just recently allowed them to even know we have a Wii gaming system (bought before travel to hopefully get us through a long homebound winter) and he's hooked. He is a competitor. He is as persistent in his requests to play as he is in schooling. We strictly monitor its time in use. The boys love it - the girls could care less. Paul will often look for things that Sam can play with one hand - always looking out for him . . . yet specifically choosing two-handed games when he is wanting distance. Paul is experiencing a growth spurt. He was wearing size 11 shoes when he arrived and is now needing his 1-1/2 shoes retired.

I never thought I'd be applying lotion and a hair pick each morning to my son's hair. This is one task that Paul used to insist he do himself and now it is something I am allowed to do with pleasure - no matter how late we are running. He realizes that I love being able to mother him in this way and I think he's enjoying giving up just an iota of responsibility as well.

His smile is quick and easy and ready. His eyes are windows of his being. He's so eager to please. I think of how we advocated for these boys and realize that the parent/child bond was forming before we met.

And I had brief moments of doubt about "older adoption" . . . especially when trying to be open to the situation and discern between legitimate issues and simple nay-saying. I still contend that their transition has been far easier than Julia's into our family - even with the accident.

Oh what I would have missed! Boys are really different - and coming from the perspective of having only sisters myself, then three daughters . . . I delight in my education for mothering my sons.

Hi! - Samuel update

2009-03-16T07:27:00.007-06:00

I'm sorry for neglecting posting. We (of course) have been so very busy and adjusting and simply . . . finding our way. We've had tremendous "highs" and oh-so devastating lows concerning coping and finding our way.

BUT . . . oh my goodness we are good. No, we are not good . . . we are super-fantastic!! We are joy-filled. We are celebrating life and family and love. We ARE family. We fuss and fight and share and console and tease and taunt and play. We SING.

And specifically there is Sam. I tell my children that I simply cannot mention his name without grinning and looking down just a mite and shaking my head. Sam is . . . SAM!! He has this infectious spirit that is both inspiring and frustrating. His volume control is most often set on sonic-boom level and I probably correct him for using his "outside voice" more often than all other things combined. He is lively. He is vivacious and funny and STUBBORN. I have photos that I will try to post as well as video.

Sam scoots around our house using his right arm and his bottom/upper legs. He has a gait and scampers often that resembles a crab on the beach . . . often going more sideways but able to maneuver. He often will urinate in the toilet by being lifted backwards on the seat and allowing his legs to rest on our elongated frames. His only current "dressings" are tube socks that help the moisturizing cream/lotion keep his significant skin grafts supple - we discovered that if we are lax then his skin becomes almost calloused and prone to discomfort.

Sam's left arm is still flaccid. We went specifically to address it last month and when the doctor pinched his upper arm (above where the extensive injury/amputation occurred) Sam promptly squealed and responded by pulling the doctor's rather prominent knuckle hair. I was mortified and highly amused at the same time. Our EMG scheduled for this week (to test nerve/muscle viability) has been postponed until April 1st. It is hard to decide what feeling he may have above that amputation site because Sam LOVES to squeal "ow" even when he cannot feel. There is definitely something more than damage below the amputation site and they think that maybe his brachial plexus (chest/shoulder) was injured.

Sam's manual wheelchair has been configured and is ready for delivery. We should receive it on 3/24/09. I am reminded once again of the goodness of God and the support of community. The MANUAL chair was over $3500 and the funds from the benefit will supply Sam a way to maneuver himself. The power wheelchair is still caught in . . . paperwork?? I've struggled these past months dealing with paperwork and things changing without notice.

We returned to the clinic earlier this month and Sam amazed especially Dr. Sato and his staff. He was removed of any restrictions concerning his hip and can weight-bear. We were given a prescription to assess and treat him for physical therapy again to begin to learn to knee-walk and even crawl to move closer to having prostheses.

And Sam has begun doing this himself. He loves a challenge.

We are still waiting to hear from Shriner's Hospital. We would prefer Sam be treated there as with this economy and the instability of employment - it could be detrimental to the continuum of care for Sam if we change carriers and possibly have his providers suddenly become "out of network" or even worse . . . get hit by a pre-existing clause for a period of time. We realize that Sam should be considered "disabled" but until his social security card arrives we cannot even apply. It should be here hopefully this week.

And of course there is the ostomy. We are fine with it. I have battled blow-outs and Sam unclamping it and such. The stoma has remained so very healthy and any hint of skin break-down has been resolved within a day . . . that only happened twice.

Sam is proud of his body, as are we. It is neat to be able to wave your "feet" at people when in a wheelchair. We don't call Sam's legs "stumps" . . . they are still his legs. We may refer to his leg below-the-knee as feet. We admire how the pigment is developing from both the graft donor sites and placement sites. One leg (the right) has MUCH more soft tissue and we marvel at how each leg is different and beautiful. Changing Sam's ostomy bag is a source of interest with his siblings and he gets great pleasure if he can pass gas during the process. He will often kiss the fingers of his left hand (lefty) when we are dressing or adjusting his Aquaplast splint. I have to watch him carefully in not wrenching or twisting that arm since he doesn't feel it well (if at all).

Sam is best buds during the day with his now 3-year-old sister Julia. They are cohorts when their older siblings are away. Julia acts as Sam's legs (or fetcher) and Sam in turn is Julia's mouthpiece (she is in speech therapy due to her being born with a cleft lip/palate). During their nap time, Julia sleeps in Paul's bed simply because they cannot stand to be separated. Once the school bus arrives, all bets are off as to if they will tolerate each other or not.

Life here is crazy and chaotic and wild and wonderful and an adventure. Parenting isn't for sissies (and I can be one at times) but goodness gracious we have come so very far and I cannot even begin to fathom as to where God will lead us from here.

Benefit

2008-10-31T06:34:00.003-06:00

Over on the caringbridge.org site for Samuel (where I have been posting of Sam's remarkable progress) we have had so many inquiries about the upcoming benefit being given for us by the Sullivan EMS. I can't scan the flyer to put in the format so I'm going to attempt here.

2008-10-11T22:14:00.000-06:00

The Accident

2008-10-11T15:09:00.003-06:00

It has been one week since our lives were altered by the accident. Horrific and tragic - yet I won't be using those descriptors again.

Because we have SAM! He's with us. His body has changed forever but he's still got the same spirit and I am seeing him emerge from his sadness and flickers of that little guy who could make me laugh and see red with regularity.

I have been described as strong and such and believe me, it is simply God and prayer. Sam is the one who has been so strong and he's not only fighting this setback, he's starting to shine. I can talk about when he gets new feet/legs and he'll look at me and give his head a shake of affirmation. He is still sad but at times I am too.

So am I mad at God? Heaven forbid, no! Haven't even thought of it. Where was God then? Right there. When I first realized I tried to grab Paul and Mary and get them up the hill to the house. We stopped on the driveway and held hands and I instructed them to pray. And we did. And we asked God to hold little Samuel. And He did.

During the long drive to the hospital (its about an hour) I was of course in shock and for the first part Marty and I drove in silence. I realized that it was grave and that we would very likely experience the horror of losing a child. I admitted that I didn't know what to pray. Sam's injuries were so severe that I felt selfish pleading with God not to take him from me. And yet I thought of Maria Sue Chapman and knew that I didn't care what - I wanted my son. And I was torn. How could he survive and yet, how could he ever function?

So I prayed specifically for Sam to know he was loved and to have peace and to realize he was being held in God's very hand. And that is exactly what happened.

Sam's injuries have altered his body permanently. We still do not know the exact extent - yet he is still our Sam. If I cannot look at his severed limbs and accept, then how can I ever ask for him to? And I have come to realize a couple of things this past week . . .

Sam is beautiful. His legs are beautiful, his arm is beautiful, his colostomy is as well. He is precious and although his legs are now "different" from many others, he is no less precious or loved or worthy. I saw his arm for the very first time today and as the area was being exposed I simply prayed that I could look at this area and see him simply as God did. I could look at his arm and then directly in his face and say . . . hey, it looks great! And I wasn't telling him a lie. He is gloriously and wonderfully made and this accident did not change that.

I live in Wisconsin so I have to put a Wisconsonite spin on it. This accident happened and to quote Brett Farve (during the recent trade request) . . . "it is what it is." I cannot change it. So as a Christian I can rant and wail and lament and lash out, or I can set my shoulders forward and step out in faith in this new direction. We had an accident and God stepped in a swooped up my child and carried us through to a place where Sam is able to begin the healing process.

This is an opportunity. We can either fold up and wither or we can choose to plant ourselves firmly right where we are and decide to aim for blossoming once again.

I have been enriched, embraced and enveloped in the body of Christ through this. How could I think about choosing otherwise?

PRAY!

2008-10-04T21:55:00.002-06:00

Samuel was injured today in an accident involving the tractor. He was airlifted from the park behind our house to Children's Hospital in Milwaukee. We need prayers.

Currently he is still in surgery and will need many, many more. He has lost one leg below-the-knee and the other they are trying to save to the ankle. One arm is broken near the shoulder but the elbow is more critical - open fractures with tissue damage/missing.

His pelvis is also fractured on one side. His buttocks and back are injured and he needs a colostomy. If he continues to do well in surgery tonight that will be performed now.

His vitals are good. He was awake up until surgery where we were able to kiss him.

Please lift him up. He's such a precious, vivacious, mischievous guy.

Marty and I are good and feeling the prayers and have our faith to sustain. It is the other children (Paul especially and Mary) that I worry about - they are with their Uncle Mike and Aunt Sheryl at our house tonight . . . . all the kids are piled in bed together (Paul usually sleeps with Samuel).

We love you all. We appreciate the power of prayer. We have a caringbridge.org website titled samuelphillipson that does not require a password and will keep all the medical stuff there.

Blessings to all. We praise God that we are His children and that we are in such a place where Sam is being tended to so well.

Friday morning

2008-09-26T19:16:00.002-06:00

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. My first day as "under-the-weather Mom" and all four children were in my care. Mary and Paul do not have school on Fridays. I had originally planned to enroll Paul, Mary, and Sam in gymnastics today (enrollment started today and it fills up fast) as well as get Mary and Paul to school anywhere between 8-10 for pictures.

Well, the past two afternoons I had run a fever that responded fairly easily to Tylenol. I canceled plans to visit with Mike and Diane (and tribe) earlier this week for fear that I may be contagious. It is harvest time around here and I've been sniffing but it could be simply more residue in the air, especially as there is a field abutting our property.

I woke this morning at 1 a.m. and knew immediately the source for the fever. I had an ear infection. It hurt to place my head on the left side. If I moved my jaw in a certain manner I would gasp and grimace and try NOT to cry. Ugh!

So I head to the living room and try not to wake the boys (they are still on "light" sleep mode and feel entitled to waken anyone if they emerge during our sleep cycle). I tried various comfort measures, watched some programs I had TiVo'd, researched when the urgent care opened, and planned the logistics for attending the clinic and pharmacy with the kids.

I was on the road by 8. And I was tickled pink by how few times I had to verbally "corral" the kids. The waiting room had a large fish tank. I've been attempting to explain the concept of carving a pumpkin to the boys and there were enough "fake" examples at the clinic to detail. Sam did attempt (semi-successfully) to shuck a scarecrow decoration before I could curtail. That was our only time out.

We drew attention, my crew and I. The children held hands and were quiet and orderly in the halls. If anyone approached then Mary would launch into a diatribe . . .

"My name is Mary and I'm five years old. This is my sister Julia. These are my brothers Paul and Samuel. I'm five and Paul is five. Sam is three and Julia is two. Julia is from China and Paul and Sam are from Ethiopia. I'm from her!" while jutting a thumb in my direction.

My immediate reaction was to laugh which evoked more pain and sent me into a spasm which caused my nose to run. The staff winked and smiled in return. The children beamed.

We were led down the hallway and my vitals were obtained. Paul discovered the "sticker" bin and each child was able to claim one. We went to the largest examination room they had. Paul hesitated upon entering the room but I assured him that we were there for ME, not for him. He immediately began to relax (and explore).

I began to attempt to prepare him for having his blood drawn in the near future to obtain his titers for vaccinations and he explained to me that he had his blood drawn four times previously and had NOT cried. Even Samuel did not cry.

I told him that I didn't cry either, Mary did cry but would hold still, and Julia would fight like a tiger and require three adults to attempt to locate a suitable target. He laughed.

When the doctor arrived she confirmed my infection. Before we exited she asked how I coped. I told her senility played a factor. (Actually, I do remember calling my friend Coni in Memphis when I first learned we were expecting and telling her she'd have to prepare to travel frequently to Wisconsin to help me remember where I put the baby). I assured her that I was very human and subject to "grumpy Mama" mode as well as "angry Mama" to which my children laughed but confirmed.

We now headed to the pharmacy . . . Walgreens. Now I have gone on limited outings with the children since we arrived home with the boys. We've gone to McDonalds once, WalMart fairly frequently, church once, school, and that is it. I knew that Walgreens would not have large enough carts to assemble the little ones without fussing over who was in front/back so we were going on foot power alone.

And they were remarkable - really. I was told it would be 15 minutes (which was 25) and all of the six seats to wait were empty. I directed the kids to the four in a row and took mine facing them. I was still very uncomfortable but insistent on bottoms on the chair seats and no sliding, changing seats, and no being able to sit next to me (just another thing to cause a ruckus).

They chatted and sang - Mary in English and Paul in Amharic. Paul asked once to "go, go, go" and I found it hard to convey that we were waiting for a prescription. But our name was called and three of the staff came to the counter to comment on how marvelous they thought the children were. I was caught between being proud, being afraid to jinx the situation, and simply wanting pain relief.

Either way, I stopped at the cooler section for each child to choose a Propel with a twist-cap (clear liquid and lower possibility of spilling). I also bought a small tub of gummy worms (more like caterpillars as they were short).

When we got to the van I distributed the liquid refreshment as well as five gummies apiece. We drove home in contentment. Once home I admit that I utilized the DVD player for quiet time and went to our room to lie on my side with ear drops instilled.

No outbursts. No drama (well, except for a protest or two concerning who was picking the DVD. We rotate turns for choosing in descending age order. My children guard that right to pick closely and any monitoring or especially touching of the current selection available upstairs is cause for protest).

I am now pain-free, maybe uncomfortable but good. Marty is home. Our friend Marla came by for a visit and to catch up on how life goes in this early post-adoptive phase.

The girls wanted her to witness their bath. Julia didn't want me to brush her teeth or even tried to brush off my goodnight kiss for a request from Marla.

Good thing that I'm not more sensitive with age (and don't tell Marty I typed that - he doesn't read the blog). I survived my first not-feeling-so-hot day and mainly resorted to sugar and DVDs. Not bad I think.

Blessings -

Dinner conversations

2008-09-25T12:51:00.007-06:00

We had our first dinner CONVERSATION with the children I believe last night. Paul and Mary have been studying body parts in class and yesterday was the eyes. Now Mary's eyes are currently a grayish color and will lean toward blue or green as the mood warrants. Mine are hazel (light brown/green), Marty's are blue-gray, while Paul, Samuel, and Julia's are such a dark brown that I would label them as black as I cannot distinguish a pupil readily.

My student children came home with papers stating "Paul's eyes are brown" and he signed his name and drew a brown eye. Mary's was "Mary's eyes are green" with her name signed completely backwards (YarM) and her eye drawn huge with a mixture of green and brown flecks. She announced to me that she had blue eyes just like the paper said and was adamant I was wrong when I told her the paper had her with green eyes.

This just couldn't be! She was furious! Why, she had even traced the word "green" with a green marker.

I had prepared Marty ahead of time and he began by initiating the conversation about having a green-eyed daughter. This sent Mary on a blue-streak of talking about her eye color.

And the Paul says . .. "Mom?" "Dad?" "Mary?" "School?" "Blah, blah, blah" with the most mischievous twinkle in his eye and his grin about to explode across his face.

"Oh?" Marty delighted in hearing about school from another perspective. Imagine Mary talking excessively in class!

I changed tactics. I asked Mary about her brother Paul in school. She seemed confused.

"But was Paul naughty in school today?"

Paul gasped and squealed and began to wag his finger. Mary insisted that her brother was well-behaved.

Marty joined in. "Are you sure? Paul - good? Not naughty at all?"

All the children are now laughing and Paul is beaming.

We talked about eye colors and named each person's eye color. Mine stumped Paul totally and he kept looking to different objects that may match mine.

Then he pointed to his skin. "Mom?"

"Ahhh - you have lovely brown skin" I told him. He smiled.

"And what color is Mama's skin?"

"Pasty" Marty chided. Paul looks confused.

We looked at freckles - a new concept to these dark-pigmented children.

And then Marty's tan line from his watch was discussed. How do you explain a tan to a newly-arrived Ethiopian? Paul would hold up all his fingers "Ten?" You looked in his face and saw oblivion.

Samuel joined in more readily when we talked of moods. What does grumpy Mama sound like?

"HUSH!"

Marty added - and grumpy Daddy? Hesitation. He blew his knuckles and rubbed them on his shirt with satisfaction. Paul spoke with authority "Now you stop that!" I laughed.

And Grumpy Samuel? Everyone threw back there head with their mouths wide and screamed in a high pitched voice.

Sleepy Julia? Snores and then cries and then snores (she still will cry out in her sleep frequently through the night).

Our first lively animated conversation at the table that included our boys and not speaking to them or at them! Ahh - the moments of satisfaction that continue to evoke such feelings of utmost peace.

Sunday's outing

2008-09-23T17:06:00.006-06:00

I guess Sunday was our official "coming out" party for the guys. We had previously made an attempt at church (that is another story in itself) the week before - but didn't quite make it through the service and this time the whole family was there.

And what a marvelous time! The affair officially began at 1 but we didn't arrive until almost 3 (mowing, bathing, food preparation, naps, visiting Marty's mom). I could sense Paul's apprehension. Mary's take was . . . a picnic? Do I have to eat anything??? And this is the child that is supposedly linked to my DNA (laughing).

We knew most people on arrival and the children were dispersed in various activities as there was a playground, basketball, soccer, chalk, bubbles, etc. Mary takes off immediately to tag up with her friend Grace and the the boys are rather dumbfounded by this presence of people. Most have already eaten (imagine the children didn't wait two extra hours . . . ) and we start to assemble some plates for those that desire. The weather is marvelous . . . warm but not hot unless you chased too many youth on the soccer field (Marty). Of course my sons are in long pants and Sam is actually in a sweat suit at times with the hood up. They just intrigue me as I am such a weenie when it comes to heat and I'm having a hard time adjusting to having cold-natured children. Even my daughters both refuse any and all covers when sleeping.

The boys played more with each other or alongside other children as opposed to WITH them - and that is just fine with me. I knew we had a football game later tonight and Marty and I had agreed that if we stayed until 5 we'd still have plenty of time to get all of our "to dos" accomplished and have the children tended to and still have plenty of time to enjoy the game. The game is another matter entirely but my sister and brother-in-law rejoice with the outcome. I love Mary and Craig so if we are going to lose I guess it is best to lose to someone who has die hard fans near to my heart.

I did the initial gathering as a good wife at 4:57 to honor our previous agreement and was pleasantly surprised when there were no takers! Everyone was happily situated in play or looking for more food or such and that to me was a measure of the days events.

Here's a few photos of the events . . . the bubble-maker was by far the most intriguing for all of my children, although we did "catch" Julia drinking the container on more than one occasion.

I'd call the outing an overwhelming success. When asked if they'd like to do this again all children gave a resounding "yes" without hesitation.

Look Dad - Two wheels

2008-09-22T15:04:00.002-06:00

We have a bike-riding son in Helenville. I knew that this child was determined and once I saw how he was persistent in learning how to simply pedal his bicycle just over three weeks ago, I felt that this day would arrive soon. Paul took off his own training wheels. He put them back on after a day or so and they came back off a couple of days ago. He would resort to another sibling's bicycle/tricycle if he needed to feel speed in the meantime.

So I am walking through the living room today and I catch a glimpse of him on HIS bicycle and see him complete two, three, and sometimes four rotations before letting his legs check his balance. I step outside. I try to capture pictures but he poses and puts his foot down (hence the first one from behind).

And before the day is advanced much further he's adept in his two-wheeler skills. He wears winter mittens as biking gloves (we haven't done a long bike trail trek yet so he hasn't seen Marty and I wear ours). I'm so tickled over this.

He now calls his bicycle simply the "cycle" and I believe in his mind he is racing along like his Dad on the motorcycle. I'll try to get a picture of him in comparison . . . the only one I believe I have is the Harley Davidson that is long gone (traded in favor of the more comfortable Honda Goldwing that we had on order with visions of long road trips together . . . . then we discovered I was pregnant with Mary before it was actually delivered) . . . hehe.

Foggy Sunday morning

2008-09-21T06:39:00.004-06:00

What a beautiful morning. Its a sleepy morning and just oh-so-nice having time to simply be together as family. I couldn't sleep earlier and got up around 4 but then crawled back in bed after three of the kids awoke and had time to simply talk with Marty (and Julia was in bed with us). Then Julia left and eventually Samuel joined us. He has the NICEST smile! Samuel left and Paul soon entered. I left intending to get the camera of the Phillipson men but soon the children noticed the fog and that began a whole new concept for my newest arrivals.

Paul determined that this MUST be the snow that he has seen pictures of and heard tales. He throws the door open and races out in his pajamas. A crane that is at the base of the hill is startled and takes off with what I call the "pterodactyl cry" of protest. Paul scampers right back in. Its funny explaining birds and caterpillars and worms and grasshoppers/crickets etc. to your never-exposed-before children.

Yesterday we went to a local church bazaar and ALL the children discovered that they love homemade doughnuts. There are apple festivals abounding and the trees are starting to emerge in their show of fall colors.

And I just embrace it all. The wonder, the colors, the joy of pillow talk with my spouse, my children . . . my life. How marvelous that God put me on this adventure. We're headed for a large get-together with other adoptive families in the Madison area today. I'm curious to see the interaction level of the boys - I KNOW Mary will be swept up quickly.

I'll keep you posted and will TAKE the camera.

Friday - Single Parent Day

2008-09-20T04:21:00.004-06:00

I was rather dreading today. Its not like Marty has a LOT of time home lately with the children awake but tonight he wasn't going to make it home before they were tucked in bed. Things get crazy and while at times I can "go with the flow" there are other times when I find myself surprisingly rigid and unbending.

I wasn't sure how I would gauge the day. But Hahn came over in the morning. She is Marty's sister visiting from Florida with her daughter (from NM) and they are staying the block behind us at Mike and Sheryl's house. She offered to take ALL the children to the park behind us, thus allowing me the ability to fire up the lawnmower. I took to this task with gusto. I was able to work out any frustrations or such with the ragtag flowerbeds that were long dormant. I saw far too many frogs of various sizes and varieties fleeing and would try to avoid confrontation. I began to perspire and that just felt MARVELOUS. I was free. I was accomplishing something that would show for a couple of days (instead of housework which may last 15 minutes). I felt and feel refresh and invigorated. Thank you Hahn!

Then a dear friend Julie P. that I met through our adoption of Julia came over to bring four totes of clothes for the boys. Wow - and once again I cannot say "gently used" as there were things in there that still had tags. My boys can be picky though and I thought it might be best to have them assess before being greedy over such nice things. Chaos ensued. One bin would be opened and things that were too small were being tussled over. Pants were worn on the head and there was one darling jean skirt that Samuel had a particular passion for. It was wild there for a bit.

Hahn and Jenny returned and it got a mite more hectic before it began to calm down. I had actually never met my niece before and afraid that I was more than a bit distracted - but sure we'll get a time to visit in before she leaves. Both Jenny and Paul have reminded me today that I have been lax in taking pictures but at the moment I am not able to locate my camera . . . one was damaged during the trip and the other I have hidden from apparently myself as the guys think electronics are NEAT and since they don't really have the concept of possessions, they also have trouble with boundaries. I'll get on that . . . as Scarlett would say "tomorrow."

After a bit things got more settled. The children were tired and I led them back for a REST (we don't say nap around here as I don't require sleep as if they will just be still awhile they most likely will succumb quickly). Julia was out first and Mary crept her way into the boys' room. This of course resulted in conflict as three children usually mean that one is excluded. That "one" became Samuel and Paul and Mary would shift from top to bottom bunk readily to avoid Samuel and I just ached at seeing his hurt. He's always had his brother and this upstart of a sister was elbowing her way in and him out for the moment.

I carried him out and into the living room to continue visiting with Julie. Samuel then crawled from my arms to hers and settled in and was asleep in no time. I think Julie enjoyed my snuggler. Mary and Paul never did sleep but then again . . . they are even more tired tonight. Hooray!!!

After Julie left we had some time to regroup and I admit . . . I used DVDs to entertain for a mite. Two bags of microwave popcorn in the middle of the floor and The Incredibles then the Garfield Tale of Two Kitties had my children for the most part entertained.Dinner became a smorgasbord of various leftovers which the children thought was fabulous. I ended up eating their leftovers we had on hand. We ended the night with the lights dimmed and each child with a flashlight. Games of tag and chase became that much more animated and repeated warnings of "no light in the eyes".

Marty called before I had them in bed and I allowed them to stay up actually over an hour past their bedtime to be able to see their dad. It is such a kick to watch them greet him. For those that have not been to our house, our front living room window is centered in the room and is a bow-window. I had the curtains open although it was DARK and the children did not know Marty had arrived home. He was on the front porch peering in at them and gently tapped. I'm not sure who realized he was outside first but the joy escalated beyond measure in flash and he was given the royal greeting.

It was a good day. I still have to sort through the clothes but the house is still standing, dishes are done, laundry is almost caught up (the boys bath always entails washing another load of towels), and I'm not any the worse for wear, thanks to helpful friends and family.

Marty leaves for work once again early tomorrow but we are planning to explore more as a group. I'm pleased with this day and oh-so-grateful that I have a husband that adores his role of parent with me.

Yard work

2008-09-18T20:41:00.006-06:00

I like gardening but usually at some point it ends up getting ahead of me and often times I am welcoming the more dormant phase of seasons so that I can cut down the straggling plants and plan for more dedication next year. This year I was concentrating on our trip to Ethiopia. Last year I was headed to China . . . a few years back I had pins in my hand/pinky and movement was limited. Yada, yada.

And since we returned from Ethiopia, Marty's job has taken a new dimension and he has recently found himself facing some meetings and conferences that have required him to be working longer hours and more days.

Some days I'm struggling to simply vacuum, dust, keep up with laundry and dishes (some days I don't struggle . . . I just don't do it - hehe). And we have over six acres. The garden around the house is not manicured (shoot I let one side go wild as well as back garden next to the detached garage). Just mowing is something that requires time and right now Marty is only here with the kids awake about two hours a day. Just logistics. It won't always be this way but right now it is simply what is. At times I'm feeling overwhelmed with the changing dynamics of family and the physical demands of the household, much less the emotional . . .

And I feel guilty because I can't help but think of the struggles here pale in comparison to the joys. I'm getting to witness and live the peaks and discoveries and such. He gets to come home when I'm tired and looking for his assistance and he's taking up slack here when he probably would prefer to have some time to simply chill.

Yet I digress. (You can at least ACT surprised) This spring we had the great mulch debate. I was planning on taking the 1 hour a day I utilized the year I was most successful at keeping the plants alive for the spring/summer/fall. I wanted to make sure I had plenty of mulch. I had a number in mind and Marty about choked. He was firm on his lower estimation. I am the gardener . . . I pleaded my case. He told me we could order more. I relented. And I was determined to move that mulch off the driveway and started in earnest.

I had my trusty wheelbarrow and each day I set a simple goal of 10 loads a day. I did it. I did good with weeding and mulching and within a week the front and one side of the house was complete. Marty was pleased. The mulch pile was lessened by probably half. I relished my accomplishment and planned to continue. It rained. I procrastinated. The wheelbarrow was moved back to the detached garage. I got interested in . . . anything but mulch and weeding.

So the other day Marty says something about we need to get the mulch moved before winter because it'll just make a huge pile of ice/snow that is blocking vital driveway in winter. And I knew he had a point. It was my project and I decided that I was going to get going on that mulch. I can do that with four children 5-1/2 to 2-1/2. There are no spinning blades or motors or such involved in the process.

And so this morning I began to assess the situation. I had some grass and weeds infiltrating but if I added more mulch to what I had done earlier this spring, I could make yet another major dent in that pile that the children love playing on. I began in earnest.

Now Paul and Samuel are very cold-natured and they only wear long sleeves and pants except when they are in their soccer gear. Mary is in short sleeves and shorts and Julia is in a sleeveless Packers cheerleader dress and we start our odd attempt at mulching. I'm sure we could have turned heads in our odd assortment of gear as well as skin tones.

I begin to shovel into the deep wheelbarrow and Paul squeals in delight. He is hovering all around me like a gnat, watching intensely and then begins to try to assist. He locates a child-sized wheelbarrow and soon is matching me move for move. He is so very eager to assist and have purpose. Samuel and Mary are intrigued by their bikes/trikes and Julia vacillates between work and play. She's still a mite displaced by not having Mary's attentions. She loves Paul and not sold on Samuel . . . . he's just a mite too close in age for her comfort level. Its a hoot though because when I come home from taking the older kids to school they immediate go for a "rest" and Samuel asks to sleep with Julia. She climbs up in Mary's top bunk but is adamant that he go to his room. Samuel climbs up in Paul's bunk and then they chatter back and forth for a good 15 minutes animatedly and good-naturedly.

So, there is only so much room to work in the first flower bed. It is situated between the garage and the front door and is almost a half-oval and still pretty filled with daisy, columbine, bee balm, hosta, etc. I am trying to work my way in without doing damage and every time I turn to scoop another shovel from my wheelbarrow Paul is right there and we are bumping. At some point I give him my short-handled shovel and I get a long-handled one. He laughs with delight at this most precious gift. Julia immediately decides she wants a hand spade.

And we work, this odd group. I attempt to make another entrance to this particular plot so we can both work. And with Paul's next load he is right there next to me. And as close as he is to me . . . Julia is to him. It gets so very, very comical. He keeps saying "Excuse me, Julia" and she doesn't budge. He'll ask her to move. She smiles and digs her hand tool in his wheelbarrow. They at times simply move their mulch to my wheelbarrow. He looks at me and rolls his eyes and simply picks her up and moves her over two feet. He is so gentle though and she doesn't protest. At one point Paul needs water and Julia goes in with him to retrieve their labeled water bottles. When Paul goes into the house to emerge shirtless later on, Julia comes out with her dress now removed. I had to stop her on that one (laughing) . . . but you get the gist.

And in the end? We did a pretty good job. We got the first small bed mulched and there is a portion of the mulch pile gone. We have a sense of accomplishment. Paul is a wonderful assistant and Julia adores him. He's my shadow and she is his. Weather was nice and I so very much enjoyed being outside and not having a battalion of mosquitoes attack me. We removed the hanging baskets. We took down shepherd hooks. We made progress as a family. We bonded.

And when Marty came home for a little less than an hour before having to head back out - it was Mary who was seeking accolades for all of her hard work and effort!

Never wake a sleeping bear

2008-09-18T20:41:00.005-06:00

I've been accused of being too "sunshiney" in the mornings by former coworkers. In fact it downright irritated some (hi Tricia). I tease Marty about his inability to communicate in the mornings and his disdain for light sources during his sleep cycle or early waking.

And I've been able to wake pretty much instantaneously. Maybe from working odd shifts/hours for so long. Shoot, I would be at work by 5 a.m. on my last shift so I could pad downstairs and have the computers fired up and headphones on without much more than a blink of an eye.

But now . . . I need my sleep. Six hours is necessary and anything less is putting my body in touch with my own "inner bear" to be dealt with. Apparently they did not tell my Ethiopian-born sons that you do not wake a sleeping bear.

I know I could head to bed shortly after they do, but that is MY TIME to straighten, wash/shower, mop, dust, correspond, maybe even (gasp) watch a TV show, unwind, read my Bible or current study lesson, etc. I often am too wound up mentally to simply drop it at that point.

So it is often 11-midnight when I climb under the covers with Marty. Its funny that we used to have those phone conversations that extended into the wee hours when we were long-distance in our relationship and I used to yearn to be able to see him during these. Hehe - now we may begin a conversation in earnest but once we are horizontal there is the distinct possibility that one of us will fade into oblivion quickly.

I used to be able to do without sleep or get by on so very little sleep. Shoot, I simply cannot anymore. Maybe all the years of single-parenting with two jobs and late night calls to Marty took their toll. Maybe its age. Regardless . . . I NEED SLEEP.

So when I waken to LOUD chatter and boys flying off the top bunk onto the floor, the staccato laughter of Samuel, a horrid thump-thumping which ends up being the guys yanking on the antique dresser drawer that has become whompy-jawed in their efforts . . . I AM NOT HAPPY. It is not yet 6 a.m. I head to their room and find the boys mid dresser assault and Mary is perched on the top bunk with her head propped in her hands I let them know in no uncertain terms that the behavior is not considered acceptable and I do not appreciate the early hour or the assault. I climb BACK in bed. And I hear giggles. Then the laughter. The volume picks up. The chatter continues. Jumping ensues. I am facing Marty in bed (he's on his back) and I actually have my back to the bedroom door. I snap.

"HUSH" I scream. It quietens down.

And picks right back up. I hear Julia begin to stir and I am now transformed into ANGRY Mama bear.

I get back to the boys' room and tell them how I feel about this intrusion and shut the door with a resounding slam.

I climb back into bed and there is a familiar shake to the bed. Marty is giggling at me . . .

He asks if I should further yell from our bed could I please at least turn my head? Julia plods in our room. The alarm goes off and the children snicker from the room next door.

At least my less than desirable reaction has a positive effect on my usually slower-to-be-happy in the morning husband. He shakes his head at me and chides me good-naturedly. I have to see the humor.

When I finally rise the boys are already outside and I hear the bicycles whizzing on the driveway that wraps around the house. I head to the laundry and am removing the load from the dryer when Paul steps in the house.

"HUSH!" he exclaims upon seeing me standing there as he races to me with outstretched arms and a waiting smile, hug, and kiss.

Ahhh, they may not have learned not to wake a sleeping bear - but then again - they have all the tools necessary to tame it once it does.

Julia is going to be . . .

2008-09-17T15:27:00.003-06:00

We received a call from Zor Temple today . . . the Shriner's in Madison that arrange our marvelous transportation from Janesville to Chicago each time Julia has an appointment at the Cleft Clinic at Shriner's Hospital. It is a marvelous service (I love each team member but Lee has an especially special place in my heart) as well as a phenomenal hospital.

Well, they have an awareness campaign over the University of Wisconsin campuses where the Shriner's are present at games and they have a flyer and try to highlight a child that has been affected by their outreach.

Would we consider allowing Julia to be a "princess" for the University of Wisconsin - Whitewater??? For those of you that do not realize, this is Marty's Alma mater!! We need to submit a short biography and can have her picture (or not). She may be part of a presentation.

It is 11/08/08 at Whitewater (about 13 miles from where we live) with a noon kickoff. How cool is that??

I ended up talking extensively with Lisa, the woman who called, because somehow we talked of how we had just returned from Ethiopia and she was supposed to have done a mission trip there next month (she could not afford the airfare though as it was a last minute notification).

So if anyone is going to see the UW-Whitewater game on 11/08/08, we'll be there. Poor Marty doesn't know anything about it yet, I felt confident that this was something that I didn't need to run by him first. It seems that I'm always filling up his "off" days with activities, but this is one that should be fantastic for the whole family. Whooo hoooo!

family dynamics

2008-09-16T15:04:00.002-06:00

You know, sometimes I can blind myself to the truth. I tell myself that I haven't gained THAT much weight or that my gray hair is simply a sprinkling . . .

Or that my daughters would not be the instigator for disharmony in our family household.

Let me back this up. When we first arrived home with Julia she was a firecracker. She was less than 20 pounds and could have Mary cowering on the bed (where Julia could not climb) because she could break skin with her bites and was quite adept at hitting and pinching (as my cheeks can attest to). Through time and especially as Julia learned to speak/sign she was less frustrated and she and Mary developed a close sisterly relationship. They can still fight with passion but not physically.

Well there have been more incidents of late. Paul isn't always the compromising compliant playmate he was when he arrived (good for YOU, son). He doesn't always allow Mary to dictate what activity they will participate in and who is going to do exactly what and for how long. He will shout "NO" and either attach Mary or Julia's name. He can tease his siblings (Samuel included, ESPECIALLY Samuel included) and even mimic Julia's speech which I have not yet addressed as she doesn't seem to realize that he is laughing AT her. Sam? Sam is a scrapper and although his is much more of a wailer than fighter, he is not above hitting, shoving, kicking, or spitting. I have also caught him tattling on his sister when she was not even in the same area as him.

So when they boys kept tattling repeatedly (over 100 times a day) and mainly it was directed at Julia I at first was skeptical that she could be inflicting the injuries that she was being assigned blame for and I am frankly sick and tired of hearing " Mom?" and being expected to immediately stop whatever I am doing to go watch the pantomime of the offensive behavior and have her name assigned. I have used "time out" for both the culprit as well as the tattletale. I have ignored the behavior to try to discourage tattling as I have not witnessed the behavior and don't want to let a child get power-hungry for the ability to fabricate an offense to have control of removing a sibling from play.

But my eyes are open. Today we were outside and I was scooping dog poop and removing my long-dead hanging baskets and Paul sits down on the children's swing. Mary of course joins him and then Samuel joins her to completely fill this supposedly two-seat contraption. Julia approaches, squeals, and launches an attack or Samuel's head. I was appalled. I was dumbfounded.

I was guilty.

Samuel has been the most attention-seeking of the four children at home. He causes the most commotion and turmoil and has the most tantrums and such. His squeal can be heard at any time and often you cannot tell if he is doing his "fake cry" for attention or really in distress.

And here Julia is pommeling his head.

Furthermore during our speech therapy session Julia baited her brother. She extended a hand to offer a token gift and when he reached for it she shrieked and struck at him. Her blow did not land but I was taken aback at her actions. And yet later in the session she positioned herself to kick him and shrieked when he was simply . . . there. We stopped the therapy twice for her to lament the situation.

And I didn't give Samuel the benefit of the doubt for all his tattling. He has made it up that I know of twice but I have probably overlooked far, far, far more. No wonder he's been cranky! I'd be cranky too!! I knew that Julia was having trouble adjusting but I was allowing her the power to intimidate her older brothers.

So I'm trying to find that balance of not allowing myself to become referee yet teaching the kids to work out their differences without interfering. How do you do that?

I can't always be watching closely with needing to prepare meals and wash dishes and clean house/do laundry. But I need to be more watchful and maybe do some of the other tasks while they sleep.

I'm so sorry Samuel. I feel like I let him down because he was trying to tell me . . . shoot he DID tell me and I ignored him. Yet he seems to forgive me my imperfections and embrace that I have finally SEEN the situation.

Just another reason to love my children. I am supposed to be teaching them, but they are sure teaching me what I feel is so much more.

Solomon

2008-09-16T04:02:00.004-06:00

I hesitated even sharing this post. It is not something that I have ever done before or will likely do again. I was on the way to picking up Paul and Mary from school and noticed a man walking along the rural Highway. Something about him peaked my interested. Maybe the fact that he was a black man in this homogenous (white) area or his shock of white hair. He was not hitchhiking and carried a backpack - the camping type. I looked for a vehicle but somehow knew that he was a traveler and not stranded. From within I knew that I needed to offer assistance. I began praying. I picked up the two oldest children and began the approximately six mile journey back home.

Now I needed to run to the store (out of bananas again as well as needing a giant fruit-fix) so was planning on heading into Jefferson (our county seat) to the nearest grocery anyway. I began to explain to the children that I felt led to ask if I could assist this man. Now I know all the dangers and perils and that I could have been leading my children into a potentially dangerous situation but I could not deny the urging coming from within. As I approached the area where I had seen the man I noted that there was not any car behind me (not exactly unusual in that it is a rural area). I did not immediately see him and was feeling relieved that he had already received a ride (certainly he did not stop as there is NOTHING but a few farms scattered) and suddenly he came into view. I continued praying and pulled over.

The man was appreciative of the offer and initially tried to open the door to the back and I had him sit in the passenger seat. We introduced ourselves and through a very distinct and familiar accent I learned my guest's name was Solomon. A beautiful Biblical name -no? And I just had to ask.

And where is Solomon from? You knew probably as soon as I did. Solomon is from Ethiopia. He has been in America for four years and five months. He is traveling our country to see everything that he can and experience as much as possible before settling down. He is a nomad on a journey of epic proportions. He detailed his journeys in a booming voice with such joy and animation. I learned of his stops and how he has seen my country in ways that I could only dream of. He works at factories or for individuals for a period of time to collect enough money to push on to the next leg. He was currently traveling from Milwaukee to Madison, Wisconsin. I told him that I was headed to Jefferson and could take him that far and he was grateful.

We talked of our recent trip to his country and he was pleased to see our sons in their car seats. When he spoke to them in Amharic - they refused to respond. I had noticed this even on our return flights home that they would withdraw when spoken to often and if they DID respond, it would be in very soft replies or simply with the eyebrow-raise or the sharp intake of breath. Solomon asked what their birth names were and commented (like Helen) that they were most probably from the Tigray (Tigre) region of Ethiopia and then told me more of the region and the people.

The highway was closed in two different sections in Jefferson and I knew it, so I took Solomon further than he asked to alleviate him from having to maneuver the long detour. Julia had decided that this man talked too loud and had begun holding her ears and protesting.

After Solomon left my children returned to their normal post-nap/school state and we continued on our way for refreshments and such. Its funny how once your eyes are opened that you find your lives touched in so very many ways. I have thought of Solomon often today and wondered if he reached his next destination yet. He's been to 23 states so far and that is . . . he has experienced them. He laughed at people he has met that fly back and forth between destinations. He is a free spirit with a zest for adventure and happy to simply have the experience and ability to be able to embrace life. I wish I could be more like him - rather than lamenting having to vacuum a third time during the day, appreciate that I have a home, vacuum, and the children and pets to make the task necessary.

In so very many ways Solomon is so very wise. He isn't building up his treasures here on earth - he's spreading his joy. He tells me maybe in a few more years he will head back to Florida where he believes he will make his home.

I feel richer just from our 1/2 hour encounter.

Two weeks home

2008-09-14T16:50:00.002-06:00

Yesterday late evening marked our two week anniversary for being together as a family. Hehe - I guess for Samuel it was actually this morning since he slept through arriving home, being placed in his bed, and meeting his sisters - but it has now been two weeks.

Wow. So many changes. We have been so very blessed. Blessed by family and community that has embraced us. This weekend we spent a good bit of time going through the donations and presents of clothes and realize that we lack for NOTHING. Our children have so many nice, wonderful, stylish things. Paul is still amazed at the volume of clothes that are HIS. He doesn't have to share (although it is funny because if things are not earmarked specifically both boys will try to wear each others things and Sam swims in his clothes and Paul looks comical with capri-looking jeans). Its fine until Paul wears Sam's underwear and that gets a little uncomfortable.

Thursday morning Mike and Sheryl arrived with a laundry basket overflowing with gifts from Marty and Mike's church. There were glorious sunflowers and baked goodies as well as a complete dinner, clothes, even towels and brand new Packer's sweatshirts. It had a WalMart gift card as well as books and crayons and . . . oh so much. We have been welcomed into the family of church, community, and family and are humbled by the outreach.

Paul has become more a boy that the caregiver we first met. He can be sloppy and not put his things away (which we did NOT see before). I like this newer, more relaxed child. I may miss his not picking up his clothes but I do not miss feeling that he has a personal agenda that he needs to fulfill. He's a boy, a child. I am trying to find that balance between his striving for perfection and wanting to please everyone and simply letting him be a normal, active boy. He can aggravate the other kids mercilessly. His laugh is genuine. He delights in discovery. He screams like a girl - very high-pitched and it sounds very odd. He is scared of spiders and today was out-of-breath with discovering a snake (another fear). Marty went outside to discover an earthworm trying to make his way across the rain-covered driveway. I told Paul that worms are good and that I liked them for my garden and he could not hide his disgust at the very thought of such. Hehe. He has started school and loves it. His artwork is very meticulous and he draws arms, legs, feet, and faces which are happy. He rides the zip line at the school playground and we went after hours so that he could demonstrate his mastery. He chides Mary at her shall we say less accomplished penmanship, drawing skills, and especially her hesitancy regarding that zip line.

Samuel? Oh my goodness. We are seeing much progress with our youngest son. First of all Sam has an infectious smile and laugh and will use dance/gyrations to try to get out of sticky situations. He is a snuggler. He is a handful. His voice is at about the level of PeeWee Herman for those that remember him . . . very loud for this 26 pound wonder. He does not like being told what to do or especially "no" and will ignore anything he doesn't want to hear. When we first met Samuel he was very whiny and cried almost continually if he didn't get what he wanted (our digital camera, our video camera, anything food related or any object that he didn't currently have whether it was a computer, watch, toy, pen, etc.). It was harder getting close to Samuel at first because he was simply not very pleasant to be around with his constant screaming and tantrums. But that was the OLD Sam. We are still working out some kinks and bumps but Marty commented the other day that he thought Samuel was starting to "get" him. He is learning that crying isn't going to win him the prize he is coveting and that is hard to grasp after 3-1/2 years of it being a successful tool. With accentuating the positive traits (raising the toilet seat, listening after being told "no" 13 times, using words instead of wails and pointing) we have seen the neatest little guy emerging. He is delightful. He is affectionate. He is learning to accept that it is not "anything goes" anymore and is showing that he can try to seek acceptable behavior. I have started lying down with both Sam and Julia in our bed for afternoon nap and love that time to hold them close - he will fall asleep within minutes.

Both boys adore their baths. They are showing they have clothing preferences (Paul refused a Packer sweatshirt today much to Marty's chagrin). They are talking more and more in English and are teaching me more and more Amharic. They delight in seeing pictures from their orphanage and following the blogs of their friends they had from Ethiopia. They share the names of other children and tell me things about them (one little guy ate a spider, if they have a brother or sister, if they tease or are funny).

Their capacity to love is amazing. I get hugs and kisses freely and without asking. Marty's arrival home is a source of delight beyond imagination. He snuck in today and they spotted him and shrieked and chased him about the house before he was cornered with laughter and leaps and hugs and such.

And I'm reminded of how I'm told I'm doing such a marvelous things for these kids. Shoot - they lift my soul and inspire me. They mirror God's love and depth and mercy and joy. They teach me so much about myself as well as about hope and faith.

I have to repeat. I am the one blessed in this.

Blessings to all.

Happy belated birthday - Marty

2008-09-13T07:01:00.004-06:00

Wow. Another year and so many changes. One year ago on Marty's birthday first we crossed the international date line on our way home from China and he got some extra hours out of his special day, but then especially we landed in Los Angeles and Julia became an American citizen.

And this year we have not only Julia who doubled our number of children at home, but Paul and Samuel are with us already. Can you believe it?

And we haven't celebrated yet. I held the cards until sometime today. We're really pretty low key and a cake and ice cream signify the passage. I of course am happy because the 100 day age difference is now lessened by the fact that our ages "match" once again and all is right with the world.

I actually spent the morning we had designated for the zoo yesterday at the doctor's office because my eye infection is not getting better even with the prescription. I now have a combination treatment that I apply hourly while waking (one drop on even hours and the other on the odd hours). My eye was swollen/stuck shut again this morning but . . . we'll keep working on it. I'm just grateful that so far everyone else seems to be unaffected.

And the kids wore their Aunt Sheryl thin yesterday. She has never said they were horrid but I believe the term she used was "terrible" and that she will check caller ID before answering a phone call from me starting yesterday. Yowzer! She did add that Paul was the best one of the bunch. I'm sorry!!

We have rain this morning, the nice lazy slow rain that isn't yet the effects of Ike. No outing planned as I'm still pretty freakish-looking and its weepy. I have the baggies for the spent tissues and trying to contain any possible cross-contamination.

If it weren't raining I'd try to get some yard work done. As it is, I think I'll try getting a handle on either the girls' or boys' clothes and cull out the ones that are not currently fitting and find a PLACE for everything . . . so that each child knows what fits him/her. Poor Paul frequently wears Samuel's things I think simply for lack of knowing that there are clothes specifically for him alone. It doesn't really matter until I find him wearing 2T underwear and THAT can be a little constricting!!! :o)

We'll see about celebrating though. This is the first day since Labor Day that Marty hasn't had to go into work at least some of the day. We're showered and the children are rambunctious. Its a good kind though, we're still getting used to boys.

Of note, Julia and Mary slept in the top bunk together for the first time - I think because their brothers usually do in their room. They do emulate each other often.

I'm going to run. I'm showered and Marty is making breakfast although we've been up for hours. It has been marvelous just simply being family this lovely Saturday morning.

God bless.

Purple

2008-09-10T08:49:00.002-06:00

If you are blue with pink eye . . . does that make you purple? Yep, I got it again. What is weird is that this is exactly what happened last year when I returned from China. I made it through the trip okay and within a week had a raging case of pink eye.

Its better now . . . I have a TINY amount of eye drops that I'm using and will resort to the doctor if I just must. This morning I was just frustrated thinking . . . four kids in a waiting room? Four kids in an examining room? LOL!

Paul has asked twice if it is time for school (still the excited state, not fearful). We may try to eat EARLY and have pasta, THEN give the guys their bath before school. That should relax Samuel for his nap and then I can pry Paul out of his clothes. Funny guy dresses as he rises and if I don't hide his clothes from the evening before then they go right back on his body. Good for low laundry volumes . . . bad for mommy image at school! Haha!

On another positive note - we meet with our social worker tomorrow evening. She will officially gather the documents to begin the re adoption process. For those that are not familiar with Wisconsin law, although the adoption was finalized in Ethiopia - since we did not meet the boys prior to this happening (done by proxy) we now will RE-adopt in our state and then perform their final name change and citizenship procedures. Their names currently (as dictated by Ethiopian courts) are Abel Martin Phillipson and Tekleab Martin Phillipson (their birth first name, Marty's first name, our last name). After court they will be Paul Martin Phillipson and Samuel Michael Phillipson. They will get birth certificates. There will not be a need to continue keeping their adoption paperwork available at every turn.

Its not a huge deal for us but we will be able then to secure their citizenship and social security numbers in their final names. I hear them softly saying their names frequently . . . rolling off their tongue. Last night at the voting station a woman asked Paul "And what is your name?"

He said softly yet clearly "My name is Paul" and I wanted to cheer. Full sentences!

TriUMPH!

2008-09-09T21:29:00.003-06:00

Paul made major strides today. He returned to school.

We weren't expecting it. We weren't pushing it . . . well, his sister Mary was but we were telling her to cool it. His book bag is still packed and ready and we allow him to peek but not to play around with the contents.

The school has been very understanding. They said to take as much time as needed. He has had encouragement and even allowed to do projects at home to be turned in for a reward sticker.

I don't ask "do you want to go TODAY?" I simply felt that after he faced his fears that first day I wasn't going to (at this point) push him. I think he pushed himself enough. I wasn't sure when I might start encouraging his return.

But today Mary came racing in and said "Paul said he wants to go to school today!" I didn't totally believe her. I didn't seek him out and ask him. I thought . . . let it be.

And sure enough, he verified Mary's position. He seemed excited. Their Aunt Sheryl came over to watch the little ones while I took them to school just in case he became overwhelmed again. I had been told I could stay as long as needed and he could leave with me when he returned. I didn't want Samuel and Julia sitting in the car - this needed to be about him.

So we pull in the circle drive and he starts a nervous whine/laugh/cry. I open the van door and he's out first but as Mary tries to exit, he acts like he's about to head back in the van. But its different this time. He is grinning like a Cheshire cat and its more of a nervous, excited state as opposed to being totally overwhelmed and shut down.

I tell him that he needs to simply come inside with me. He can leave immediately with me but he can wave to his schoolmates/friends/teachers. I can stay with him. I can leave. We can stay together as long as he wants (he didn't know I had promised Sheryl I would be no more than an hour total). We walk the same hallway and as we stop outside his room there are children already assembled in various stations of his classroom. Mary deposits her backpack on her assigned hook and he finds his. The door is cracked and Ms. B peeks out to tell Mary hello and doesn't see him as he's bent over retying his shoe.

When she sees Paul she holds her hands up to her face in exaggerated surprise and then turns around as if she is seeing things. He giggles. She spins and embraces him. He is beaming. Greetings are warm and he's nervous but seems so very happy. The other children approach. A song begins about greeting your friends and walking around the room and I stay. They head for a story and I stand right outside the area. Paul is beside Mary. It is a tactile book and the children are feeling things on the pages. The book is not finished and I see him place his hand by his face, thumb to his cheek and his finger waggle as his eyes dart at me.

Bye? Are you telling me to leave?

He nods yes. His eyes are dancing and his smile is contagious.

"Tell Paul's Mom bye!"

Mary interjects that I am HER mother too.

I leave. I am a totally different woman than I was one week ago trying to drive between the tears.

My son has mastered his fears. He comes home that afternoon a conqueror . . . a HERO. He painted. He interacted. He was a child in school who enjoyed it.

And we rejoice.

Mayhem and motorcycles

2008-09-07T08:15:00.002-06:00

We planned church today. We planned church today. Julia was screaming in her sleep at regular intervals, the windows were up and someone was burning something during the night and we all woke with "crud" in our throats (although it smelled glorious).

I finally moved Julia to our bed after 5 a.m. and of course that prompted Mary to move as well. Julia drifts to sleep and Mary flips and flops and fusses with being covered. I'm exposed as she moves on top of the comforter. Marty is either feigning sleep or infuriatingly able to rest. I get up.

The boys begin their morning assault on the household and I shush and whisper and then even threaten. I shut all doors in the hallway (including one of the bathrooms) and instruct them to silence. When they drift back there I stand in the hallway protectively and motion their retreat. We watch Veggie Tales and snuggle in the living room while the rest of the family sleeps.

And I'm at peace. Sarah and Andy have the drive back today and I don't want them exhausted for it. I know that Marty is needing rest and he needs to head back to work again today for a few more hours. Mary then Julia join us. I have my children gathered as the sunlight streams in and the morning unfolds.

I worship. Oh how wonderful are His works. His love envelopes me. I am so very blessed.

Later the rest of the household wakens and as Andy begins to apologize for sleeping I let them know that I am at peace. I have my family surrounding me. The boys head outside while Marty prepares for work.

And suddenly Paul races in all flush with excitement. Mom? Mom???? He pantomimes a face shield and helment and then mounts a motorcycle and I understand. Marty has ridden in and Paul is beside himself in the fascination of his father and the fact that a motorcycle has been in the garage.

Ahh, the sense of discovery is just so joyful. And I'm grateful and humbled by my family here as well as scattered about this nation (and in Ireland).

Saturday

2008-09-07T05:21:00.004-06:00

Sorry to be a couple of days between posts. We've been simply being a family.

Its funny, I continue to be amazed at the kids. I "told" on Paul when Marty got home from work for not picking up his things the other night and Marty looked at him and exclaimed.

"What? You didn't pick up your toys? No!!! You didn't do that, did you?"

He looked blank and confused. Then his eyes danced. The corners of his mouth quivered into a grin. And then he was beaming.

"You are SOOOOOO busted buddy" I told him. We'd heard while in Ethiopia that some of the older kids in the orphanage had passed along the information to "play dumb" to get away with things and to be able to do/get what you want. He's normal! :o)

Yesterday Marty had a meeting at work so I was here with all the children (Sarah and Andy included). We all ended up squeezing into the van (Andy between the two high-backed booster car seats in the back) and went to McDonald's. I deliberately picked between 10:30-11 so that we could miss a lot of the ruckus. We made sure everyone had shoes with socks so nobody was excluded.

And we ended up having a LARGE time. Even Julia who has never been too interested in climbing was convinced eventually to head up to the top and go down the slide (sandwiched between a brother and sister) with squeals of glee. She then proceeded to a table and pointed deliberately at the empty top. This gal means business.

So Sarah and I went to order just basic food (burgers) and Julia made sure we got the order right. She didn't ever fully return to play once we had food. The boys would stop and grab a bite or two then take off again. Mary? She simply wanted to be able to sip something cool and wet every so often - I'm not sure she ever took a bite. After about an hour and a half they were tired but happy.

Late yesterday afternoon we went to take a walk. Marty, Andy, and Paul took the three dogs to the bike trail for the longer version while Sarah and I took the girls and Sam around the "loop" where we planned on stopping at the playground. Sam has a habit of if something isn't going exactly as he desires he pulled the potty card. He asked me to carry him. We were three houses down. I explained that a walk means we should walk.

Twenty seconds later I was told that he was in dire need of bathroom facilities. It was urgent. We head back and Sarah and the girls continue. Of course we get home and he opens the door with such force as I have a dent in the drywall with chipped paint and he races to the bathroom to emerge . . . seven seconds later. He's normal too!

Yesterday evening we celebrated Sheryl's birthday, almost a month late. She was actually on a trip out of town with Mike when her birthday occurred and then we were preparing for Ethiopia when she returned . . . but this is her first Phillipson birthday and I wanted to make sure she felt welcomed with a cake . . . and the children more than agreed. The boys think it is a nice tradition. We had to relight the cake to allow Sheryl a chance to blow her own candles and it was simply fun.

Then Paul discovered we owned a Wii. We don't utilize it weekly - but it is something that we do for entertainment as a family. We bowled. Everyone got a turn and it was simply fun. We also had to do the game where you race while riding cows (you don't have to push a button) and it was a hoot especially when Paul and Sam were racing. Any attempt to guide them or assist was met with definite resistance! What fun.

Our first week is over. We had once instance where we caught Julia deliberately scratching and I was amazed at her attack on Mary for something she perceived Samuel to have done (Sam removed a toy from the couch that she and Mary were sitting on so Julia protested and attacked Mary). I had not seen this behavior since Julia first came home and although the children had reported it to me, I did not want to believe it was happening and certainly not to the degree I witnessed.

But we'll get through it.

Let me run. The boys are awake and I'd like to attempt to allow the girls, Marty, and the grown kids the possibility of being able to get more rest this morning. We need a sound-proof room for that to happen!

Mean Mama

2008-09-04T15:10:00.003-06:00

Well I guess the honeymoon is over.

I'm exhausted. The boys are allowing me some more sleep but they are going through the house and things like a wrecking crew. I've been more than patient I believe. I have explained and I KNOW that they understand about picking up.

And the thing is if you say . . .

Go upstairs and take off your shoes and socks, put on pajamas and your robe and then sit at the table for a treat - they will be waiting in the appropriate manner expectantly.

But if you say . . . pick up these toys - there is a blank stare or simply you are ignored altogether as if you have not spoken at all. Not a "huh?" or anything. I told them that if they didn't get them put away I would take them away. They laugh. Heck, there are PLENTY more toys available. Well, there WERE.

As I said, I'm tired. Over the past three days I've gathered up toys that have caused fights as well as those left for me to trip over or pick up because they have moved on to something else. Many are outside on the back porch, some in a Rubbermaid tote.

I have Sarah and Andy coming tomorrow night (my oldest daughter and son-in-law) and they will be staying in the basement which is also a large playroom. It has a futon, fireplace, large screen TV along with DVD, stereo, etc. It has its own bathroom. It is a virtual fantastic kids area and has the majority of toys (soon to be MAJOR as in 95%+).

I have warned that the time for clean-up is coming. I have warned that the toys will be removed. Now true, Mary and Julia know that when the "mean mama" voice is enacted you'd better beware.

So Paul has to defecate. Sam has to urinate. They race off with a toy upstairs. I tell them I am not happy and they giggle. I haul them downstairs to assist so I can SHOW them how nicely things can go in the colored bins and they double up on the wonder-horse with glee and then act like they haven't a clue.

Fine. I banned them from downstairs. I told them we were family and if they could not help as a unit get things ready then they lose the ability to be able to play down there for two days. I was cleaning their mess.

I feel better. And from their mood they could not care any less. They stated at the top of the stairs and Paul would get Samuel to race down to check our progress and announce himself then race back up to report.

And that is fine by me. I'm not wanting them sad or hurt. I'm simply wanting not to be the maid. I know, I know it goes with motherhood but I'm not talking about a vacuum/mop/dust/laundry/meal preparation strike. If we have so many toys they cannot be managed then maybe we have simply too many.

End of lecture!

Divas, DVDs and Drudgery

2008-09-04T09:29:00.002-06:00

It is so interesting having my sons home. They are into EVERYTHING and while not intentionally destructive, they don't seem to know limitations. Much to Mary's chagrin, they don't know about such things as possessiveness. She has readily shared all she has but it drives her NUTS when Paul wears Samuel's clothes and vice versa. They simply don't know. They don't care. They are pleased to have clothes to wear and will pick up something that peaks their interest and proudly put it on. Who cares of jeans land below the knees or five inches below the ankle? What if the sleeves of a shirt hang past the fingers or if raising your arms exposes four inches of skin? They are happy. Mary announces each fashion faux paus with clarity and I try to explain to her that they don't care. SHE DOES! It's a hoot most of the time. In all actuality Paul will be in his soccer outfit or his sweats once he realizes one is clean - soccer is preferred but sweats are warmer.

We have started the use of DVDs on this rainy day. Before I had only used it in the van but its rainy here now and outside activity is curtailed. Paul adores Veggie Tales. He just emerged from the basement with his arms loaded with probably 15 DVDs . . . all Veggie Tales. I'm not huge on cartoons all the time but for something with a good message to convey I'm all for it. We'll limit the time spent in front of them but after the fifth dog yelp because of being hit with the Tonka truck (being ridden on) maybe some Veggie Tale time vegging out in front of the TV may be just exactly what the doctor ordered. We have about an hour before getting Mary ready for school and I'm thinking we may attempt a picnic lunch in the floor today.

Naaaaah, I'm not that cool yet. I'll keep my mind/heart open though.

Screams from the hallway - need to scoot. :o)

Paul school update

2008-09-03T14:35:00.003-06:00

Today at lunch Mary was chatting about school. Paul didn't seem distressed but didn't seem that interested either. I asked him (once again) if he would like to go to school. He didn't immediately answer but he eventually turned his face toward me and then looked PAST me and wagged his finger . . . "No."

I told him that it would be just fine to stay home. He doesn't have to push himself to be in class at this point. He could stay home and we'd still go to school to take MARY, but then he'd be coming home with me. He seemed to relax.

And true to my word as we got to the school I parked on the street (further from the building) and warned the kids to stay put, locked the van, and then went inside with Mary. We talked with the principal who was more than understanding and then went to their classroom. It was offered that Paul could come if/when he wanted and stay for a partial class if he'd like. They are so open and understanding. Furthermore Ms. B walked out with me to the van, said "Hello" to Paul and they exchanged a "high five" as well. He seemed to exhale deeply when we pulled away and I was able to show him that I wasn't blowing smoke at him.

Pick-up went just fine and Mary returned with work for Paul in her backpack. He can do whatever class projects on his own at home and turn them in through his sister so that when he does come back he won't be left out or behind. His work/projects will be there with the rest of his classmates/future friends.

All right!!

Wednesday morning

2008-09-03T07:21:00.003-06:00

We have a breakthrough. While Samuel has been a "dog convert" for a bit Paul has remained reticent about accepting canine companions. He'll walk with them while they are on the leash but is timid when approached. He has made progress daily though.

Last night for the first time we did not put the dog gates up. We left the bathroom light on so they wouldn't trip over their bulk in the night (we've always left it on for them anyway). We slept until about 5:30 this morning which is acceptable to me. We had very short naps yesterday.

The dogs of course were calm. Paul indicated his understanding that they were safely locked in the garage and I told him they were in our bedroom with Daddy. He doubted me. He checked the garage. He tentatively stepped out and confirmed my statement. We went down the hallway to peek in our room and sure enough, the bodies were draped on the carpeting. He seemed surprised to see them at rest as they are usually fired up since they are just being let in or out.

After Marty had left for work, the skies appeared overcast and there was a sprinkling of raindrops here or there. I let the dogs back in. The kids dashed outside and took various dog toys. After one initial retreat by Paul he decided that although they can be overwhelming - they are also pretty neat.

He has since learned to groom and takes great pains to comb and brush. He can command "sit" and is gentle and thorough. The dogs adore the attention. Paul can command their actions.

One more hurdle cleared. Comfort has been established.

Splish splash

2008-09-03T01:10:00.004-06:00

Its hard to write this post. With adoption there are uncertainties. With parenting there are uncertainties.

Especially when you introduce boys in with your girls there are warnings to watch carefully and to look for signs of molestation in both the boys (as victims or predators) and guard the children at home. I will be a mother to all my children and protect them all from harm to the best of my ability.

I had pondered about how I would assume the role of mother to boys. I had not dealt with boys before. I wasn't sure how to handle assisting with bathroom habits or bathing or such. Would they be embarrassed? Should I defer to Marty? What about the girls with the boys? How can I be Mama with limitations?

Well Samuel who is wearing between an 18 month and a 2T arrived from the orphanage in 4T pants. This isn't at all to complain as they were clean and loved and well-cared for, but simply to convey how terribly large the pants were on him and he looked like one of those teens with the droopy pants except that he didn't have underwear on to reveal to the world. We began searching our stash of clothing immediately upon coming to the guest house in Ethipia to see what we had that may be appropriate. He noticed our activity and stripped naked immediately in the bedroom. That set the stage for our embarrassment level around them. They readily shower/change in front of me and nakedness is simply that - the lack of clothes and not a source for shame or even curiosity.

Last night Samuel went to time out for spitting out his Jello in the floor and as I went to get him back out I stopped to run a bubble bath. The kids were covered in chalk dust and I thought I'd simply start with him. He was NOT happy with the bubbles and kept trying to simply stand in the tub and attempting a quick cleansing with his hands and looking for the shower as we've done before. Mary and Julia were immediately in the room and stripping before I could stop them. Julia was trying to climb in with her diaper on and Mary was scooping up the bubbles and sculpting a beard. Samuel wasn't happy still and any attempt to have him sit was not greeted warmly. The girls were situated happily and they began pouring from cups and pitchers in the tub and I was trying to show Sam how the "paper dolls" could be utilized by sticking them on the tile. I feel a hand on my shoulder and Paul is bracing himself to step in as well.

I have to laugh as he scoops up the bubbles playfully and grabs the cups and is mesmerized by the water. Samuel immediately changes his tune and is giggling. Paul reverts suddenly to caregiver and begins to bath his siblings. Mary isn't sure of it. He pours a cup of water of Julia's head which she doesn't like. Her protests are met with yet another dousing. The splashing begins and suddenly they are all attempting to swim. I call to Marty to get the camera (he finds his) and I'll upload that one as well.

And suddenly, black/white - boy/girl just dissipates. These are simply children, MY children. I will watch and protect and guide but they are simply children that are enjoying their first bath. Paul told me that he'd never done that before. I reminded him of his immersion at Pewee and Rosie's house with the fish yesterday and he beams and laughs. He liked this one better. He thinks he'll prefer to bathe now.

Ahh the simple delights in life.

School daze

2008-09-03T00:10:00.003-06:00

Paul is one of the most fascinating, intriguing guys I've met. I think he assumed the caretaker role long ago, not only a brother but simply in the orphanage as I watch him interact with his brother and sisters. Mary continues to simply be completely enthralled with the completion of our family unit (well, she did mention her Ethiopian sister still waiting again today but I simply told her "No").

I did not intend for Paul to start school immediately. I wanted to give him time to acclimate. I wanted more time to hold him and let him simply be. I wanted to protect him from feeling overwhelmed or out of place.

But this child is such a charasmatic individual. He was determined in Ethiopia when speaking through Caanan that he wished to be back in school. He had been previously and then was pulled out for reasons he did not know. He wants to learn and excel. How do I convey to him that he has time?

Yesterday we did go out and get his supplies. He glowed as we browsed the glue and such. He proudly picked his Diego backpack and then indicated to me (through pantomime) "bicycle". I told him that yes, Diego did ride a bike and then Mary reminded me that his bicycle had Diego on it. Ahhhh! He kissed his pack of pencils as he placed them in the basket.

I thought . . . we'll be prepared for school should he continue this quest - but he can defer if needed.

We've decided to simply go with 4K for now. Mary was held back under advice of the professionals (late summer birthday) so it is her class. The program is noon-3 p.m. Monday thru Thursday. It would allow him time to be in school yet still plenty of time just to be. I'd notified the school this spring of his impending attendance and they have be so very flexible as well as supportive.

Marty left for work. The boys had been dressed since 5 (they do NOT go barefoot in the house either). Since Marty had prepared breakfast I was able to be showered before his departure (a luxury for me). Paul and Samuel are in and out of the door frequently anyway but as I checked for the sound of his training wheels on the driveway that loops around the house I realized that it had been absent. I was on immediate alert and Mary picked right up on it.

"Paul and Samuel are in Stan the Van" she told me.

Whaaaaat?

I head out and there are my sons. Paul is in his favorite Old Navy sweats. His paint/art smock is on. I believe he thinks it is a school uniform of sorts. His backpack is strapped on and there are beads of sweat forming on his brow.

"Mom?" he asks questioning me when I open the door.

It is so hard to explain to him. I call the school. They check with the school psychologist and powers that be and call back within the hour. Yes, Paul is more than welcome at school today - we can register him officially with a packet to be returned tomorrow (actually now today). He can start 4K with his sister and they can be in the same class to assist. We talk of immersion and the possibility that he could be reevaluated as needed and moved up if we all think it may be in his best interest. He's beaming at the prospect.

Sheryl comes over to watch the little ones. I still cannot locate my camera from our trip and find myself utilizing his Fischer Price model to capture the moment (I'll upload later). We go early to meet the principal and staff (Mary has done this before but not Paul). His eyes are huge as he drinks in the environment and poses for yet one more photo.

And we head to their classroom and find where to place their backpacks on hooks in the hallway above their name placecards. Their teacher is young and so very sweet and friendly without being overbearing. Paul begins to simply withdraw. The aide in the room notices his eyes watering and I'm horrified to see him dabbing his eyes with the short-sleeved shirt I had convinced him to change into (with his sweat pants). I watch my son struggle.

And I feel like I have betrayed him. Mary is scampering about the room euphorically. She is clueless. I place my arms about Paul and ask if he is okay and if he'd rather go home. His body racks with sobs. He will not answer. He doesn't cling. He will not look at me nor will he respond either physically or verbally.

The children begin to assemble for a story while the parents that are lingering are free to witness. Paul indicates that he needs to go to the bathroom and I readily take him out, hoping to be able to convey to him that simply put - this is not mandatory. Once at the bathroom he darts in and is back out immediately. He walks down the hall while I am trying to talk to him but it is like he is that child that I met the first day in Ethiopia . . . he is blanked out in the face. He returns to the room and I try to convey to Mary that she needs to assist her big brother. She comes to his side and almost immediately embarks on her own agenda again.

Another boy approaches him and says . . . "Do you want to play with me - I can build Lincoln logs!" We head to where there is a partial cabin being assembled but Paul is just standing with tears. He is given a small bear to hug and tissues are made available.

The story begins as another mother introduces herself and offers comfort. I'm wanting to pick him up physicially and run. After the story the children with parents still lingering are to come and place a heart ink stamp on the back of their hand to signify a kiss and the parent in turn places on theirs. Paul and Mary are first and I still am wearing the two hearts. I in turn place stamps on their hands. Paul is so very dark the red isn't seen easily. It is time to go.

I'm fighting tears in the parking lot and another mother from class offers me her phone number. The tears come within a house or two and I drive home just trying to see. I'm sobbing from the exhaustion and doubting my ability to know what is in my son's best interest. I feel that I should have disappointed him by not allowing him to go to class with his sister and allow him to be simply a kid. I was to call Mary Romer with the results of his drop-off and I cannot because I cannot speak.

During the wait for pickup Samuel and Julia keep me occupied but not enough. I am the first parent in line for pickup (we won't be using the bus service). We have changed the video in the van and Sam and Julia are fast asleep. I see the first activity of children taking down the flag and I am on full alert. The van is running with the air conditioning going and I get out and walk to the door with the sleeping toddlers strapped in place. Then I see Mary and Paul walk out. All seems fine and they do not even notice me. I call to them and Paul lights up and he and Mary race to my arms.

I ask how his day went and am told that he is "brave" and did well. I keep checking his face and body language - not sure we'll be returning with him tomorrow. He laughs as we open the door of the van and his sleeping siblings are revealed. He is fascinated by the new video in the van - a Signing Time series and he is practicing sign language with delight. We head to the local BP station and I take the school kids in while the younger ones sleep and we get a treat of gatorade in twist-top bottles for everyone and I allow them to each pick one treat. Paul got the M&M's he has been admiring since Ethiopia and Mary got Skittles. I also told them that while I would be happy if they shared - this was their treat for starting school and I would not require it. We bought two large carrots and two apples and Paul did not know what was in store next.

I pull from in front of the station to the side and tried to explain that there was a small petting zoo. We disembark with the whole crew in tow and Paul is delighted to see the rabbits and chickens with chicks. The goats were both a mite overwhelming and fascinating. He watched with interest as the miniature horses wrestled with biting off the carrot. He would attempt to feed but then withdraw with a mite of fear and excitement when they would reach for him.

The apple was more difficult to stabilize (usually the station offers to cut up the produce to feed easier) but oh so much fun. He tentatively stroked the extra-fuzzy donkey and cajoled the alpacas to get up and join us but they ignored his antics. Julia covers her ears when we get to the sheep as they bleat so loudly and once again Paul assumed the role of caregiver. We fed more horses and soon the food had run out.

We head back to the van (which has gotten pretty hot) and delve into the drinks and I open the candy treats. Samuel DEMANDS a treat and I explain that he got a doughnut from Aunt Sheryl while I took them to school the others didn't. Paul laughed at his antics and for the first time ever didn't offer to share. As we pulled out of the parking lot I hear him . .

"Mom? Thank you."

We make it home and my son has returned to normal. Samuel continues to cry for candy and suddenly they are laughing and sharing and racing about the house. I am instructed to open my mouth and a sour Skittle with a peanut M&M are placed in . . . interesting combination.

We concentrate on chalk drawings for the driveway and porch and Paul begins a version of hopscotch. I'm surprised (and pleased) when he adamantly refuses to allow Mary to decorate his board and persistently redirects her attentions to another area. She continues but he ultimately wins out - silently pulling her wrist over to another spot.

Later on I hear her first protest over her brother. He has place her "princess" basket from her bicycle onto his. Well, Mary has refused to ride her bicycle as the brakes caused her to pitch over early in her bicycle "career" when she was attempting to go into reverse like her tricycle. Paul is accomplished now and we were hoping he would cause her to step up in her efforts - yet she prefers to ride Julia's tricycle or simply trot next to Paul as he races back and forth. I allow the basket to remain until she is riding her bicycle. She explains that her worry is humanitarian as she didn't want someone to think he was a "girl" with such a basket. :o)

But my giddy guy has returned. He tells Dad that school is good. Over dinner (more of the "lasagna" and chicken/stuffing in which Paul was chomping the drumstick bones until we begged him to stop) I tried to get the children to say what their favorite part of school was. Paul would smile but Mary would answer for both of them. Girls!

But he told Marty he wanted to return today.

If only I had 1/5 of the character of this child.

Back to work!

2008-09-02T04:50:00.002-06:00

Marty heads back to work today. Yesterday I was completely confidant that I would not be overwhelmed at the prospect of handling four children, two of whom I met last week for the first time.

This morning I'm not so sure. The boys DID sleep two hours later but then proceed happily with flipping on lights, stomping around in shoes, calling "dahhhhh-DEE!" and constant Amharic chatter. The girls' room is filled with light as Mary does not appreciate having her bedroom door shut. Marty as I have said is NOT a morning person. Once he got up and shut their door loudly and proceeded to shut off the bathroom and hall lights.

The door opens again soon and the lights return on.

I get up and turn them back off.

Julia protests.

I get up to offer her comfort and to attempt to get her back to sleep and they race into the room with gleeful greetings to their mama and I'm afraid I shooed them away at that moment, signifying that she was needing her rest (like THAT has ever worked before).

The lights all flip on again as Samuel announces twice his need to defecate and I nod my approval.

I head to the other bathroom and hear a door slam. He did return to their room but all lights are again on. Their conversation is in what we call here our "outdoor/outside voice" and I step in to give a proper good morning complete with hugs.

I love these guys. Boy I really love them.

I could love them more if they let me get just six hours of sleep a day.

First 48 hours

2008-09-01T15:54:00.003-06:00

Once again I must report that my children are amazing. They have really seemed to accept each other's presence without a lot of fanfare.

Samuel continues to have his moments (usually associated with sleep/nap) and I have begun to lie down with him. I know he is manipulative and has used fits successfully to get his way. But he's three. Until just at a week ago (remember they are eight hours ahead) we were only a photo to him and a hard concept to grasp. We've taken him from all that is familiar except for his brother. I may later regret forging this practice but I don't feel that we have the trust foundation set enough for him to know that we'll be there when he wakes and that everything will not keep changing.

We've seen more smiles and laughter and less tempering out and such. He has this . . . shimmy-like dance where he puts his hands in his pockets and then wiggles with his smile that will light up a room. It makes me laugh.

We had an outing today. Normally I would not take my just adopted children to the store so soon but Paul has expressed his desire to start school and we realized he did not have any supplies. The principal of his school knows he is coming and it is a matter of when, but when that time comes I want him armed. He went to meet Grammie (Marty's mom) yesterday with Mary. Marty returns to work tomorrow so since we were up at 3:12 this morning anyway we thought if we went to WalMart early it wouldn't be crowded, Marty would be available, and Paul could have the pleasure to pick his backpack, colors, etc. I think it went well. They were fascinated by the lobsters and just a few incidents of placing unapproved items in the basket. Sam and Julia were in baskets and Mary and Paul pretty much walked and rode the outsides of the baskets. They held hands often. Paul picked a Diego backpack and kissed his pencils before placing them the basket. Both Mary and Paul are packed up!

Once we returned from Walmart we headed around the block for our first official family walk (I was hoping that Samuel wouldn't "drop trou" as he did with Marty yesterday when walking the bike trail). Our back neighbor Rosie was in her swing in her yard enjoying the scenery of her koi pond. Marty continued with the dogs and the kids and I went to introduce her to her newest neighbors. Paul was ELATED to see her pond and fish. He kept leaning over them and reaching out his hand. All kids except Julia got their fingers wet. Paul was so very animated and continued to dance around and then perch precariously close.

And it was too much for Samuel. One quick shove on Paul's bottom sent him sprawling into the pond. It happened so very quickly and Paul struggled and was up and out before we could even really register. He is so QUIET! I swatted Samuel (which I swore I would not do) which had absolutely no effect. Paul was wearing his new tennis shoes that were less than an hour old (shaking head). Oh well~

So, he's back in his favorite Old Navy sweats (he is very cool natured) for now and the shoes are still drying.

Sheryl brought over spaghetti bake, garlic bread and jello with mandarin oranges. WOW! Mary called it lasagna and we said "fine" because three kids had second helpings (just not Julia).

Thank you again Sheryl. I'm still adjusting to the increase in kids and all that brings. It is chaotic at time but mostly joyful chaos.

I'll bet I've heard Mom/Mama/Mommy 5000 times today. If that is as bad as it gets, aren't I blessed?

So, we got all the kids to Mom's this evening (after finally waking Samuel from his nap he protested vigorously). She has now met both newest grandsons and I'm taken aback by how Paul will readily head to her and kiss her cheek.

These kids have such capacity for love. I continue to be humbled that we are their parents - ALL of them.

Just don't ask me at 3:12 in the morning! Ha!!

Sweet friends

2008-08-31T19:45:00.004-06:00

I posted earlier at how my sister-in-law (shoot, lets just forget about the in-law part as she IS my sister born in my heart who just happened to marry Marty's brother) had come to my house and cleaned her heart out.

She read my post to the blog and said . . .

It wasn't her. I thought she was trying to sidetrack my gratitude at first, but she was steadfast. She insisted that she DID do the food as well as researching spices for Ethiopian cooking which we found today sitting in our kitchen . . . but not the house-cleaning.

Well this had me stumped. Only one person that I know has the key . . .

My goodness gracious!! We were so very fortunate to have found a Professional Pet Sitter whom we not only utilize for trips but who we have long considered a friend as well. Carol Infalt has welcomed us to her home to see her wildlife rescue creatures (see the raccoon pictures posted early in the blog) and watched as our family has grown through adoption twice. We have left our pets with her or left them here for her to visit with fantastic results. She is the one who left the gifts for the boys as she has surprised our girls before too. They STILL are playing with the playhouses and Barbie cars.

So, I'm not saying if you live in the area and have Carol assist with your animals that she'll clean, organize, and shower you with gifts but I am saying thank you for the most wonderful, joyful surprise I could have imagined. I'm sorry I didn't recognize sooner that it was your handiwork. You are an angel to us and we so appreciate your friendship.

Thank you God

2008-08-31T17:11:00.004-06:00

We started the day waaaaay early as I had posted before. The guys were wanting to go outside since 3:30 a.m. and the girls were up by 7 and they were all pretty much playing together (Julia was grumpy) and such. Paul was so absorbed by his bicycle and we were all outside and got a late start on breakfast. I was amazed that it took a dozen eggs and more than a bit of bread to get the toast going. Marty was egg man and I was setting the table for my family of six for the first time and trying to get the toast ready when he was. The kids were assembled and suddenly I heard Samuel's voice loud and clear . . .

"Thank you God"

I have never heard him say two words in English linked together, much less three.

"Yes, Thank you God for this food" I replied.

And he stated "Thank you God for this DAY"

Paul smiled and pressed his hands in prayer before him and began to recite the prayer that I had witnessed on video earlier this year (and meant to memorize) -

Thank you God
for this day.
We love you.
We need you.
Be with us.
Protect us.
Bless our food.
Bless our thoughts.
And guide us
in your way.
In Jesus' name
We pray.
Amen.

I think we Phillipsons have a perfect blessing to embrace in our household ritual.

meltdowns, museums and mastry

2008-08-31T07:09:00.003-06:00

It is just after 8 a.m. on our first day. Paul has been outside I say . . . all except five minutes since 6 a.m. He LOVES his bicycle. He rides now with confidence and has learned how to pedal and apply brakes. Marty has raised the seat as I think our clearance purchase could have been for a larger bicycle. And he doesn't care. He has a bicycle. He has glasses. He has a hat. And he has a family.

Mary and Sam are buds. I'm not sure about Samuel's name. It simply doesn't fit him. He's not a Samuel. He's just Sam at this point. And to be honest, we were having some real problems with him being out of control in Ethiopia. Now he's just a happy kid who is racing around and calling "Malee?" Mary is beside herself with glee. Her brothers are home. Currently she and Sam have alternated between playing "museum" and going outside to ride the tractor (parked) and blowing bubbles. Julia joined in the bubble fun. Mary has been outside longer today than I can remember.

Julia? She's having some problems with it all. I'm not sure if she's tired or overwhelmed. I've seen a gentle side of Sam that I have not known and Julia wants no part of it. For those of you that know her, she seeks comfort in the fuzz from her blanket and today she's about picked it bald in one spot. With the older kids so involved with each other (or Paul with his bike) then we have plenty of time to give her some extra hugs and such. I think she's going to be fine but I believe she misses her Alabama family as well as being out of sync with conditions here.

Let me scoot. Julia is alone in her room screaming "MINE, MINE" and all of her siblings have not been near her of late. We are about to prepare breakfast . . . i.e. Marty is going to make his famous scrambled eggs. The boys LOVE eggs and ate them each morning for breakfast.

I've hung a few coats. There is a pile of luggage/bags/stuff still in the living room but I'm simply to take one at a time and do it leisurely. I'm having too much fun trying to simply observe this family in flux and delighting at what I see.

Home Again, Home Again - Jiggity Jog

2008-08-31T03:33:00.004-06:00

Wow. After about 30 hours of flights, airline food, countless trips to the bathroom, delays, seven security checks, one fright with a very curious boy who simply decided he was independent enough to go to the bathroom without permission/telling/accompaniment (Washington Dulles Airport), probably 25 granola bars (I think the boys think we LIVE on those things), missed flight, etc. we landed in Madison, WI around 6:30 yesterday evening. We got our one bag (long story in that we had to recheck it in Chicago as we had missed our flight and then got the "special" security check with the pat-down since we had to grab our bag then re-enter another terminal), and Marty held both boys hands with the rolling suitcase and a backpack and I had the rolling carry-on with a backpack and various other carry-ons draped, stacked, etc. I wish I had a photo of it but at that point I was too exhausted to attempt to stop to snap the image.

So why am I typing at 4:30 on Sunday morning when I've had less than 10 hours of sleep out of the past four days (yes, I figured it up)? My sons are used to Ethiopian time which is 8 hours ahead of us. They are awake and Samuel has very good projection for such a little guy. To my utter dismay Samuel woke apparently for the day around 3:30 and asked for water and then to go to the bathroom. I wanted to cry when Paul not only got up but then proceeded to change from his Superman pajamas to his brand new soccer outfit (football to them) complete with socks and such (we haven't showed them the guards or they haven't figured them out), washed his face, and proceeded to start playing with his new soccer ball and ask to go ride his bike some more. Agh!

But Samuel fell asleep on the way home from the airport (about a 45 minute ride) and did not ever wake up. Shoot, both boys fell asleep HARD on the flight from Chicago (a total of 28 minutes air time) and Paul then drifted off within three miles of home yesterday. Once we got him out of the van though - he was up and awake and exploring for the next 3+ hours.

I took a MUCH needed shower almost immediately upon our return and we realized that Mary Romer and her dear friend Tish had just checked into the Comfort Suites in Johnson Creek and had our daughters just a few minutes away. Marty then jumped in the shower and I went outside where Paul was BUSY with his bicycle and determined to get a handle on speed, brakes, and steering. Samuel was simply placed in the bottom bunk of their room where he stayed until 12:48 the next morning when he climbed in bed with Marty and I.

Then the big moment arrived. Marty had just emerged from the shower in his shorts and T-shirt (which had Paul's huge eyes taking in the impression since men in Ethiopia don't wear shorts) and Mary Romer's van pulled around the driveway, across the front of our bow-window in the living room, and to the garage. I gingerly stepped outside (bare, tender feet) - behind Paul. He is so very inquisitive. Mary Phillipson was already in the driveway and I was astonished at how grown-up she seemed. Her hair was pulled to the side in a ponytail as Tish was considerate enough to think of how a ponytail might be uncomfortable when strapped in a car seat for the long trip. Julia just looked different. She had remnants of chocolate chip cookie at the corners of her mouth. I probably would have burst into tears at seeing them again if I had the energy to produce them.

And the girls? They were tickled pink to see us - but no more so than if they had been playing in their room for an hour and emerged to announce their presence in the living room. That was affirmation to me that it was all just fine. They were all excited to tell us of adventures, show us new coats they had, and new soccer outfits for the boys (official) complete with socks, guards, soccer bags, and each boy has an official soccer ball. Paul was quiet but appreciative. He disappeared to his room and emerged in complete gear in no time. Mary Romer has pictures of him in his get-up and also one with the girls and will send with her iPhone. I have no idea of where my camera is.

So, we adults were catching up and realized that there was no noise. We went to the girls' room (where the upstairs toys are as the boys' room isn't complete) and nada. Oh no! I wasn't intending to introduce Paul to the basement playroom yet as there is clutter in one end but toys, toys, toys in the other. Of course the girls were dragging out things and Paul was perched on the wonder-horse happily bouncing up and down. They were relaxed and just content to be.

We adults continued touching base and the children emerged upstairs with laughter and excitement to the girls' room (we had already been in the boys' room and observed Samuel sleeping). Mary announced wardrobe change complete with tutu and sunglasses glasses (since her brother was dressed up in her eyes). I tried to tell Paul that Mary Romer was my sister and Mary Phillipson was telling him that she was his sister. It was just sweet.

Eventually Mary Romer and Tish left (all too soon) and we got the kids in bed. We wanted to watch the Packers play but the toll of the trip was too great. We were in bed at 10:15.

Of course Samuel climbed in less than three hours later and the rest . . . well you know.

I'll try to backtrack and tell you stories and fill in as I can. We had dial-up in Ethiopia and since blogger is blocked in that country I couldn't see what I had sent (especially since I couldn't contact for a few days as my emails had the blog address in my signature and thus didn't allow me to send them). I can't tell you how many emails I "lost" after pouring out my heart . . . they wouldn't even "save" either. Agh!

But we got the boys. We got home safely. We got our girls back.

And I have to tell you about my sister-in-law, Sheryl. I left my house . . . a wreck. It was disheveled at best and of course it needed the floors cleaned and everything dusted before I left - and that was before the dogs were here for another week. I walked in to smell freshness. My floors look better than I can remember seeing. The house was so nice. It sparkled. The kids rooms were amazing. Mary saw her upper bunk and said "Mom - my bed is so ORGANIZED." I have a refrigerator full of meals, milk, bread and desserts lined on the countertop. Mary Romer (who was here of course right before we left since she got the girls) immediately suspected an angel had been of assistance (hehe - she knew that it wasn't possible for us to have pulled it off after having seen the house 24 hours before we left). Mike had assembled the boys bikes we had bought earlier this year and they were waiting at the garage door and taken out our trash (we only get one pickup bi-weekly) and let the dogs out each morning. Carol Infalt (our pet-sitter who would come twice more daily to tend to the animals) had again played good-fairy and filled the boys' bedroom with all sorts of stuffed animals . . . lots of monkeys and gorillas in there.

Paul takes it all in with his HUGE eyes and intense scrutiny. He is pleased.

Samuel? Hehe - he is still marching around and I have shushed him this morning probably 200 times. He has no volume control and is set to "blast" mode.

Paul has fallen asleep now on the futon in the living room with children's TV on. I just heard a crash so I need to investigate. I'm dying here - it was Samuel who was scaling the child-gate we had put at the end of the hall to keep the dogs from entering the bedrooms (Paul was overwhelmed). The canines are out right now but I was trying to keep the boys from the girls' room and from keeping EVERYONE from being able to rest.

I love all of you guys. Thank you so much for lifting us in prayer. We have a long adjustment ahead but right now just simply rest. We have so very many blessings and I have no doubts that we can make it.

Please continue to pray for us to be exactly who God needs us to be for these children (all of them). Rest will make a HUGE difference. I'm not sure when that will be accomplished but I am home. HOME. It is humbling to know how loved we are.

I'll get to posting and adding photos (we have about 2000 with what the boys took - probably of which 10% of theirs is acceptable) when I can.

Peace.

Mary and Julia

2008-08-29T07:44:00.004-06:00

Well, It has come and gone too quickly. Craig, Grand Tine,
Lamar and I are so attached and find ourselves dreading
the end of all this work but fun! These girls have brought
joy to us!! We hope to get to Wisconsin tomorrow and meet
the new brothers! Mary is excited! I have not documented
nearly enough, but the memories we have! Priceless!
Thanks so much for my dear friend Tish who VOLUNTEERED
to go with me to take the girls home. Craig is working and on call
this weekend! Praise be to God and safe travels! Love, mary

we are leaving!

2008-08-29T05:39:00.000-06:00

We're about there.  We've been trying to pack when one of us feels we
can sneak away from our "helpers" to organize.  We're culling items
out.  All the meds are (Orphan Allies packages as well as OTC
medications) are staying here as well as sample shampoo, toothpaste,
mouthwash, umbrellas, baby wash, rain ponchos, some toys, etc.   We
don't want the baggage and feel that there may be othe r families to
come that may benefit.

Now we're just sitting on pins and needles.  Rahel (from our agency)
is to come by and bring the boys' passports and visas.  Tensions are
mounting as we are simply READY and Caanan laughs and reminds us that
we have nine hours until check-in.

I want to take more photos.  This may be my last blog entry in
Ethiopia.  I'm excited yet dreading the trip home.  I think the boys
are picking up on our restlessness.

Jill just got her "packet" for leaving.  We are next!  Yipee!!

--
Carole

I forgot!

2008-08-29T05:38:00.002-06:00

I didn't mention the front courtyard!  It is large and has enough room

to run and kick a soccer ball around and throw the nerf dart.  There

is a patio table with umbrella and garden area as well as an outdoor

grill as well.



Also, the roof!  As I mentioned, it is rainy season.  I'm not sure but

I believe we have a metal roof.  I LOVE the sound of the rains on the

roof - especially while in the bedroom.  It is so peaceful and lulls

you into sleep submission easily.

New Flower Guest House

2008-08-29T05:34:00.002-06:00

Ethiopian adoption is in a state of flux for those who may not be



familiar.  The number of adoptions and agencies has increased



dramatically and thus has created more confusion as well need for



regulation and control to keep the possibility of corruption low.







Helen is a warm, lovely Ethiopian woman who owns a guest house in



Addis Ababa.  She lived in the United States for many years so has a



grasp of our cultural climate, etc.  She also is in the rather



precarious position of advocating adoption of Ethiopian children as



well as listening and heeding the increasing restrictions of the



adoption powers of Ethiopia.  On top of that she is our liason while



in her country on what is considered acceptable and unacceptable.







I would guess a majority of the adoption agencies are now forbidding



their adoptive families to take their children from the orphanage



until they leave for home as there has been a concern of perception



not as much of the white (European, Canadian, American) families



adopting their children but of how we may be dressing in this very



conservative culture or allowing our children to be out late, behaving



in ways they don't approve, etc.  Some agencies have their own guest



houses and in that way they can take their child(ren) during the stay



here and forge that bond so very much needed before you board a plane



for the 17+ hour flight just to get you back to the United States.



Certain hotels here have begun refusing to allow adoptive Ethiopian



children to stay with their families.  Our agency does not have it own



guest house so we were tickled pink to find that Helen's New Flower



Guest House had room for us.  Marty goes out daily on long jaunts but



the boys and I stay here.  Helen has hired a sitter to stay with the



boys should we want to explore together and eat out at a restaurant -



but I don't want them to get the message that at this tender point in



our new family life I'd prefer eating out than simply being with them.







What can I tell you about  her home?  Coming here is like visiting a



sister/friend that you have simply not yet met.  She lives here in the



guest house so although you are paying to stay here that is quickly



forgotten as you find yourself enveloped in simply being welcome.  We



are staying upstairs where there are four bedrooms and three baths.



We're in the HUGE master bedroom (with a fireplace and balcony) with



our own private bath.  Athough all the rooms have locks/keys I don't



know we've ever utilized it (except maybe turned the key at  night to



keep the boys IN should they wake up).  Our bathtub is very deep and



the hand-held shower has a tremendously long cord so that you can



easily wash babies as well as yourself.  There isn't a shower curtain



so we have found ourselves washing our hair first by leaning over the



tub and then climbing in to rinse and wash our bodies.  It works just



fine!  We're here in rainy season so it is cool and we have our



windows and balcony door open often until we get a mite chilled.







I've never stayed in a guest house before so I'm still finding myself



comparing guest house to a hotel.  The winner?  Guest house - hands



down!   We have closets with locks on them and while at first I



(mistakenly) assumed it was for our peace of mind that our things



would not disappear either from the staff or other guests, I utilized



them for the first time yesterday when I discovered that my boys who



are VERY curious have determined that anything is theirs to explore,



taste, take, tamper, etc and while I love that curiosity our video



camera, laptop, cameras, phones, etc are NOT playthings.  We have some



boundaries to set but we'll make it.







Currently there is one other family here who I have mentioned, Victor



and Jill with their 4-month-old daughter Sophie.  Wow.  If we had been



in a hotel we would not have interacted with such a neat family.



Marty and Victor have had several really funny (Jill and I say



bonding) experiences on their various outings.  I consider them



friends and we have shared supplies and such.  Its a very relaxed,



easy setup and so very nice to have other families going through



similar emotional changes in this adoptive process.  Jill and Victor



hit a snag at embassy on Wednesday and when they learned they passed



yesterday I felt their joy was mine as well.







Helen's living area is nice and the living room is open to the dining



room and fireplace.  The kitchen is open to all guests.  They will



cook for you,  you can go to the market and cook for yourself, you can



go out and eat and have a sitter stay with your children, or you can



go out (often having a staff member with you) and bring the food back.



Helen will often eat with you.







The staff?  Oh my goodness.  I'm totally enthralled with Caanan who



has been so outstanding with communicating between my sons and I.  But



everyone here is just . . . marvelous.   The back courtyard is where



the clothesline is for washing and the detached kitchen sits to the



side.   With the windows open  you listen to soft conversations dotted



with frequent laughter.  Helen has only been at this new location a



very short time and they are still making little tweaks here and there



(moving a picture, adjusting a light fixture) and they apologized to



us.  Ha!  It simply made me feel that much more like I'm home.



Everyone seems to keep so busy but they all seem to enjoy each other's



company as well.  Everyone has been helpful in working with the boys



as well (especially as they have become more rambunctious).







Funny, our hotels in China were in these marvelous, elaborate



five-star retreats with these amazing amenities and I find myself so



much more relaxed, comfortable, and welcome right here.  I'm not sure



what the combination of it is, but I'm so delighted that we are here.



What would we have missed had we not had this experience?   Simply



put - family!















--

Last Night in Ethiopia

2008-08-28T15:34:00.002-06:00

We are winding down. Tonight I had traditional Ethiopian food (actually we ALL did). The red lentil was a little spicy for me but I liked the other a lot. Today we went to the kitchen (separate building from the guest house) and took turns making injera! Jill's looked the best but just tore up and ended in a pile upon attempts to remove it. Marty's did good but then in the removal was just find in the transfer until the last 1/4-to-1/3. They placed it on the pile with the other but we had to leave (parent duty with Samuel needing a nap). Victor did his next and Jill reported that they later removed Marty's injera from the stack and placed it with hers. I didn't get a chance - so no embarrassment.

I love this place though. The staff is so wonderful and well-suited for helping with the children. Paul and Samuel know that we are going on the plane tomorrow. Hopefully, they will sleep through much of the LONG flight. We have our seats on the side (two) in consecutive rows so they can both have a window seat! I'm sure Paul will prefer sitting with his dad. Boy will Marty's arms be really built up in no time . . . they wrestle and Marty lifts both boys and spins and they swing readily. Samuel got a new outfit today (the one that he always wears - sweats with a hooded jacket that is best for this cool weather needed washing in a big, bad way) and Marty and Victor went out to purchase it. 18 months - and it is PERFECT!

Paul and I got some good Play-dough time in today. He was impressed with my giraffe and dog.

Here is Marty's account of one of his many outings with another adoptive father staying at the New Flower, Victor:

It started out as just a walk to find another outfit for Samuel but the stores close to where we are did not have what we wanted or was too expensive. So, we kept walking through the diesel fumes and goat herds. Three miles out we finally found a store and we found an outfit that was just right (after a little haggling). Then, we embarked on a mission for Victor who needed a bulb syringe to clear the nasal passages of his and Jill's gorgeous daughter, Sophie. We went to grocery stores, we went to pharmacies . . . most people looked at us as if they had no idea of we were asking for. One told us the method for clearing them (not to be read by the weak of stomach).

"Cradle your baby in the crook of your arms. Lean forward and cover her nose with your mouth. Inhale quickly through your mouth, turn your head, and spit" Seriously!! This was NOT acceptable to Victor (go figure).

As an aside, it was really fun watching him try to explain just what it was we were after. He would try to pantomime by holding his nose and sniffing and making sucking noises. I was trying hard not to laugh.

We must have gone into 20 supermarkets and pharmacies along the way.We also went into children's stores thinking they might have it. Somebody told us to go to a certain clinic and we asked other people where it was because we were told it was just around the corner but nobody seemed to know where it was. Finally on our way back we went to a beauty parlor, thinking they might have a little bottle that we may be able to devise to use for our purpose; they kicked us out -saying men were NOT allowed in the beauty parlor. We then ended up stopping at a doctor's office and were told that we would have to go to the Rwanda Embassy to pick up such an instrument. So, having found out what we had to know, Victor decided that Sophie could wait until they got home.

Carole back with Marty's input:
After the walk, the guys (Marty and Victor) were kind of tired (understandably so) and eventually went upstairs to nap. Samuel was already asleep so the opportunity could not be missed. I played more play dough with Paul downstairs and signified that Marty was sleeping and stopped him several times from ascending the stairs. Apparently I turned my back because I heard his distinctive footsteps on the spiral staircase with great determination and I realized I could not catch him. Paul's mission that time was to place a play dough spider on Marty's arm amid much laughter. He raced downstairs and pulled my hand "Mom, Mom" and I followed. I apologized to Marty over Paul's delighted squeals and we came back downstairs. Samuel was still OUT. Later on I realized Paul had once again disappeared and soon heard his and Marty's footsteps coming down. Marty explained that while he was sleeping Paul had come and dive bombed him in bed. Paul's eyes danced with delight. No rest for the weary.

I felt myself wearing out and went to lie down. About an hour later Samuel woke up. We all came downstairs to our Ethiopian dinner and then later the Ethiopian coffee ceremony. They roast the coffee beans inside first and bring the bowl over for you to smell the aroma wafting. The fire was roaring in the fireplace. Incense is also burned and then the coffee is made. The house was filled with smoke and a really nice aroma. We didn't have coffee but DID eat some popcorn provided. I'm going to miss them.

Oh! And our sons drink hot tea frequently with meals. I don't know why that surprises me but it does.

The boys are now ensconced in bed in their pajamas and sleeping. I guess its time to go ourselves because we have a LONG trip facing us tomorrow. We should be home at 3:45 on Saturday.
-- Carole

more on boys!!!!

2008-08-28T06:58:00.001-06:00

Caanan is a VERY special man who is an employee of Helen's New Flower

Guest House but oh so much more.  He has been the liason between our
sons and ourselves.  Each day I approach Caanan and tell him of things
I would like him to possibly explain to them and during the day he
will engage them in conversation.   We've discussed the trip back, car
seats, Sarah and Andy, Grammie, etc.  I also wanted to explain that
the girls' room is decorated with colors and decals and theirs was
not.  We were waiting to see what color they may want and what
"theme".  Caanan talks softly and Paul gives a sharp intake of breath
for a "yes" and says "no" or shakes his head for a negative response.
I hear Caanan beginning to name colors.  No.  No.  No.  Laughing.  No.
No.

Caanan finally turns to me and says he says he wants a WHITE room.
After ALL that worrying and beating myself up.   He then said he may
want some type of vehicle for a "theme."

This morning I pulled up the site where I had ordered their decals
(jungle theme) and he was fascinated by the computer as well as when
the animals started pulling up.

"Monkey!" he exclaims.  I'm trying to hide my surprise.  Yes.  And
then he softly begans exploring the designs.   "Elephant.  Two
elephants!"  "Tiger"  "Lion"  Leopard stumped him.  He knew "bird" but
TYPES of birds stumps him.   There was one set of four birds and I
said "shall we count?"   And he confidently says "one, two, three,
four".

My oldest son has been holding out on me.  I think he's been shy in
sharing his vocabulary.  I LOVE his accent.  Caanan says that his
ability to recognize the jungle animals is revealing that he has been
exposed to schooling.

Samuel has been getting naps.  They seem to be keeping the outbursts .
.  (well, I can't call them outbursts - they are crying jags - to a
degree we feel better able to cope with.

They boys continue to simply blossom.  I wish I could tell you more
about Paul and Marty but I cry just thinking of how I could describe
them best.  It is beyond beautiful.  I'm crying now just thinking
about how to share with you.

I'll go now and try to post once or twice more today.

--
Carole

We Cleared the Embassy!!!

2008-08-27T18:57:00.000-06:00

We did it! Our appointment was at 2 and we didn't get seen until 4 and the boys were WONDERFUL. They were quiet and then teased a bit and played with Marty and each other. No toys. I am amazed. One couple from the guest house did not pass and we're kinda of shocked . . . and they were before us (while we were there) so we were sweating bullets for a bit.

But we then took a taxi tour of the city, seeing where Marty was last year as well as many sights. It was wonderful. We DID make it to the weaver's market and I'm already regretting not getting more scarves - but I'm keeping true to my promise to Marty. I spent about $50 and we're stopping right there.

Can't wait to see you. We have one more full day. The boys are wonderful. MARVELOUS! They are BOYS and I'm laughing at both them and myself; I've got to get used to rough-housing. They are a delight. Helen told me that not only is Samuel calling me Mom but he is using an especially posessive term in Amharic that is similar to "my mommy" which she finds especially endearing. She approved of my purchases. We are celebrating tomorrow with authentic Ethiopian food right here at the Guest House (with her fries of course I'm sure).

Love to you all,

Carole

the girls

2008-08-27T08:09:00.002-06:00

A short note. I have to brag on the girls. Mary has been sick and went to the Dr. and was given an Antibiotic and it tastes terrible. She has been brave. This morning, after much talk on independence, she dressed herself, got Julia's clothes, and took her med, without crying, and with an ice cream sandwich!! :) yeah Mary and Julia is easy!! :) proud Aunt MAry

They are boys!!!!!

2008-08-27T06:08:00.001-06:00

Today is our embassy appointment. It is at 2. We woke to an accident in Samuel's bed but had a good night. I still find myself waking early and lying in bed for far too long. I got up and showered and headed downstairs and realized it was 6 - and realized it was much improved.

Last night we saw the first roughhousing of the guys. There was laughter and I was torn between allowing Paul to be the child that I'm not sure he has been allowed to be in his young life or quashing it. When it involved Helen's pillows I had to intervene. But they are boys! There was lots of laughter and playing "lion" and physical activity.

I'll keep this short. We are good though and are going to try to visit the weaver's market after the embassy today as they are close and we've been told it will be okay to have the boys out with us with it so close.

We love you! We are approaching the final steps of our journey!

Carole

2008-08-26T08:30:00.001-06:00

Carole

The boys

First there is Abel. He was actually standing in the front room of the orphanage when we first arrived. We both said “hi” and he didn’t really look at us but didn’t shy away either. He seemed to know that we were there for him and hung around. I pulled out his camera and he immediately took interest. Here’s what I can tell you about him since spending the first 24 hours with him.

He is quiet. He is artistic. He loves to draw and color and will stay in the lines and takes great pride in his work. He makes hats, boats, and airplanes out of paper as well as a “camera” that uses two separate pieces interlaced so that the lens appears to open and close with a snap. He doesn’t seem particularly interested in food. He’s low key. He’s SMART. Electronics or any gadgetry seems to intrigue him and he’s not destructive with even my camera. His smile stands out so brightly against his dark complexion and can light a room. I’m amazed at his grace. I knew he could do the handstand and backbend but his cartwheels seem effortless. The role of big brother is filled well. He nutures Tekleab yet can tease at times, but will give in once the tears or whines increase in severity. There are basic words he knows and I believe his understanding is just around the bend. He recognizes some words (fish, dog) and recognizes the numbers 1, 2 and 3. He loves his Dad. They have played soccer, nerf darts, and paper airplanes . I wish I had a photo of them on the loveseat this morning. Marty had his arm draped over Abel and Abel was stroking Marty. The contrast in their complexions was so striking and they were both at such peace I wanted to cry. His voice is soft and his laugh is so natural and unforced. He calls me “Mom” with ease. Sleep is marked with snoring. He wakes like his dad . . . quiet and without fanfare. He doesn’t communicate much in the mornings, no fuss, no food. He stumbled into the bathroom after taking care of business and emerged with his face washed and fresh. This child is so NEAT and easy to be around. He’ll be ready for kindergarten soon and I can see him embracing the experience.

Tekleab is his own person. He’s loving and more outgoing (which is the exact opposite of what we were told). He’s naughty and responds to correction with a deliberate repeat of the offending action and a laugh while scampering away. He is a flirt and a tease. He loves his brother and plays off of him to get what he wants. He will grab whatever catches his eye and will wrestle anyone to secure it. If he is unable to attain it the whining starts, soft and high-pitched. Its not exactly a keening noise but close. If that fails, then the full cry begins and it will elict a nose run. I was overwhelmed at first and then when ignored, Abel gives in to him. It is a process that works! Later today I imitated him (it was almost nap time) and Abel laughed easily at my antics. Tekleab was asleep within two or three minutes. I think with time, structure, and firmness we will be just fine. I’m having to remember that all of this change isn’t easy. Its funny though, he’ll call “mommy” and take my hand and point at the object that is wanted and I’m supposed to get it.

Both boys have no problem being naked in front of us. They arrived without underwear and Tekleab’s clothes especially were HUGE on him. It is really kind of cool here and they are currently decked out in Old Navy sweats that fit perfectly. Tekleab slept in his windbreaker last night. Hold on to your hats, Wisconsin winter is coming. They have showered and seem to LOVE their new shoes and spiderman

socks. Tekleab especially loved to smell his pajamas. I put some Dowy wrinkle release on them and that just added to his delight. He will ask frequently for water.

At dinner last night Tekleab literally fell asleep at the table before supper was ready. I cradled him and then tried to wake him gently but he was out. He slept on the love seat while we ate and then Marty carried him to bed. It was 6:30. I felt awful because he didn’t have a nap that day but we were so busy into the “getting to know you” gig. Abel at his egg sandwhich and I had marvelous pasta that reminded me of the killer noodles we had our last night in Taiyuan on our trip to get Julia. Marty ordered Helen’s famous french fries and they were as delicious as they were built up to be. The brought THREE bowls of them and soon Abel was staring with those huge dark eyes and we recognized that he was tired too and headed upstairs, not before taking a bowl of fries up for later in case Tekleab woke up famished.

Well I woke sometime before 3 and could NOT get back to sleep. Finally at 4 I took my shower because two showers in a row takes the hot water and I didn’t want to leave Marty in that situation again. I had noticed around 2:30 that Tekleab sat up then creeped over to join Abel in his bed. Marty and I chuckled. Well one I stepped out of the shower Abel sat up again and held up his arms. I cradled him and he just melded to my body and with a sigh his head dropped to my neck. We were content. I walked over to Marty and we then scooted to place him with us and snuggle. He’s pretty good at that. Then he’d pop up, ask for water (sounds like Aqua) and then padded up to the fireplace mantle where the cold fries were and brought the bowl back to bed. So we sat in bed munching cold fries in the dark and drinking water. He’d lay down between us and I’d hear his breathing relax and deepen over Abel’s snores.

Then WHAM! A leg would flop or I’d suddenly have fingers in my ears or toes up my nose (literally). He flip-flops in bed even more than his sisters. A couple of times he’d wake with a scream and crying out. One time Mama was the first word. His heart was pounding against his chest and he soothed down. We spent hours trying to rest fitfully, bonding, and eating.

Once Abel awoke we began our day of bonding at Helen’s New Flower.

newest email from Carole in Ethiopia!

2008-08-26T04:15:00.001-06:00

This is from Carole:
What can I say? We have sons!

Abel is quiet and conscientious. He is an engineer in training as he loves gadgetry and is very curious and careful around things. He is quick to learn and fascinated. He wakes like his dad (no talk, no food) and went to the bathroom and washed his face. He is very nuturing toward Tekleab while still being a brother at times.

Tekleab. Remember that grin with mischief? That is HIM! He is lively to the point of being hyper. He can be naughty and will look at you and laugh while scampering away. He calls me Mommy. He is sweet and flip-flops in the bed like his sisters. He is into EVERYTHING.

We are staying holed up in the guest house and trying to simply bond without getting too, too bored. Embassy is tomorrow. Our cell phone can receive calls but we are having trouble placing them. We did use the land line finally yesterday.

We miss you all. I see things in the boys that remind me of the girls and that is so poignant!

Love,

Carole

A Note From Carole!

2008-08-25T18:30:00.004-06:00

Hi, I feel that I should apologize . . . Mama asked me to keep everyone updated, but I have had some trouble posting. I have good news though. She sent some of us an e-mail and here I a am to pass it along to all of you . . . .

Hey guys,
We are having a little internet problem so I'm writing another another guest's hotmail account. It is Monday afternoon - GORGEOUS day. I don't have everyone's address memorized so please inform who you can think of that we are good.
The boys? WE HAVE THEM! They are quiet at first - Paul was in the front room and we greeted him as we entered. Tekleab is a pistol - a very active 3-year-old. They are brothers . . . fussing over the one Fisher Price camera and Tekleab keeps trying to take ours. He's into everything. Abel is very concentrated and artistic. He loves coloring (stays in the lines) and Playdough and tossing the nerf with Marty. They are upstairs horsing around. Both have called me Mom or Mama. I love it. Their voices are sweet.
We have our embassy appointment sometime on Wednesday. We delivered the supplies already. Our windows are open. Its funny, after China Ethiopia wasn't such a culture shock. I wish we could SEE more but we can't go out with the boys and I'd rather stay here with them. The other guests are really nice and we are bonding. One got her 1-year-old daughter with us and the other couple get a baby girl tomorrow.
The orphanage? Lovely. Lively. Clean. LOVING. Caring. I was so very impressed.
I wish I could get into their minds already. Paul is so solemn at times, especially in the taxi on the way home. He is a cheek kisser like his dad. They are gorgeous, handsome boys with dark eyes and curly lashes.
Much love to you.
Carole Lamar - mother of 5!

So, there it is!! I am officially a big sister to brothers. At least it feels more official knowing that they have them. I hope everyone is doing well!
God Bless, Sarah

They have arrived! Paul and Samuel with them!

2008-08-25T13:22:00.002-06:00

MAry and Julia are napping. I called the cell phone in Ethiopia and talked with Marty. They arrived safely and have the boys! They fell asleep at the table, but were good. I let Mary and Julia talk with their Dad and didn't talk long. It seems the computer there is unable to blog so we might have to wait until their return. :( Blessings on a safe journey and having their boys! The girls are great, Mary's fever seems to have broken. I'll post if I hear again! continue prayers! much love, mary

Mary and Julia to Huntsville AL

2008-08-23T06:55:00.001-06:00

A short post, I am new to this :). Mary and Julia traveled with Craig and I and they are really great travelers! We visited Grand Tine and Grand Lamar for an hour before bath and bed and they are still asleep! A fun time is waiting for all of us!! Prayers for safe travel to Carole and Marty! love craig and mary

Hours!

2008-08-23T00:06:00.003-06:00

It is now 1:00 a.m. on the morning of 08/23/08. We are packing and planning and taking out trash. I just realized I did have any deodorant or bras packed and had to make another dash to the luggage! Ahhh - wouldn't life be dull without those "ah-ha" moments?

The house - not like I would want it, but I'm staying focused on the boys.

Our friends Mike and Diane (leaving NEXT week for their daughter) brought over six totes to be delivered to AHOPE. Actually we are simply escorting the totes to the airport in Addis Ababa and will have a representative of that very special HIV+ orphanage meet us at the airport and transfer the totes. Also, another dear friend Sharon is meeting us at the airport to see that we get the totes checked, weighed, paid for and if the plane cannot accommodate all that we have, she'll take them back with her to be shipped with another adoptive family. What a network of adoptive families there is - it is amazing!

I'm on adrenaline actually I believe. I'm tired and fighting a cold but at this point don't care. Its amazing to be packing BOYS underwear (I have been told that guys don't wear panties) and such. We have not been able to reach Ethiopian Airlines to confirm our flight and just hope it'll be okay. I emailed and didn't get a response.

The girls are safely in Huntsville, AL and I have not spoken with them today. They were occupied or sleeping when we'd call and I didn't want to make a big deal out of the inability to see them. I did hear squeals of delight from both my mom (Grand Tine) and Mary when they arrived.

Sooo, I guess we're about off. If we've forgotten something I guess we'll either do without it or adjust. We're kinda giddy at this point.

I love this man I'm married to - couldn't imagine this adventure of life without him.

Goodnight everyone and sweet dreams. We'll be well on our way to attaining ours in a matter of hours.

Carole

Tires and more tires

2008-08-22T19:56:00.002-06:00

We purchased four new tires for "Stan the Van" as my minivan is affectionately known as on 6/30/08, right before I took my last trip down to Huntsville, AL with the girls. Of course the roads were pretty rough considering all the potholes and construction but I was noticing some "shimmy" at certain speed ranges. I overlooked it.

Well, a few weeks ago I finally called our mechanic. I told him I knew it couldn't be tires as we had just replaced all four of them and he said to take the van back and double-check the balance before bringing Stan in.

So I did. And lo' and behold I had a defective tire. They said I was about to throw tread. I had it replaced.

And I noticed it drove better . . . but still a little vibration.

Earlier this week I returned and explained that I just felt there was problem. I didn't see a bump/bulge but at times it almost felt like I was hydroplaning. I'm about to have four children in the van with me and I need it to be safe.

And . . . presto! Another bad tire. They said the steel belt must have frayed or something because the tire LOOKED good, but could not be balanced.

I still had to pay 11.88 for disposal and such which I didn't agree with. But . . . oh well.

Guess what I felt as I drove HOME from the tire place? Yep, you got it! Not bad but there. I'm calling Marty as I am on my way home . . . wanting HIM to "fix it" somehow. I'm frustrated and between the stressors of leaving/preparation and just wanting it to be right I'm showing the strain.

So, I return Thursday and Marty is with me. As we approach a technician questions me . . .
"Light blue Honda minivan?? NO!!!" I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It IS ridiculous. I'm now hesitant to drive it though and afraid of a blowout with my children in the car.

They inspect the tires as we browse. We return.

And there is a difference of opinion as to whether I should have ever been charged for tread wear since the purchase was so recent but we are at a 75% failure rate. We are getting all new tires. Different brand. Higher mileage.

We waited a while but the girls were swimming at the hotel with Aunt Mary and Uncle Craig.

One less thing hopefully to deal with.

Comfort

2008-08-20T10:12:00.003-06:00

Our friend Nancy sent us this scripture - what a comfort during this frenzy! Thank you for reminding us.

Exodus 23:20

Behold I send an Angel before thee, to keep thee in the way, and to bring thee into the place which I have prepared.

Amen and amen.

Ramblings from a sleep-deprived mother

2008-08-20T00:25:00.004-06:00

It is now 1:23 a.m. and I'm up. I can't sleep. I'm nervous and excited and overwhelmed with . . . details. What items have I not bought/packed? What details have I overlooked? Why didn't I put my feet to the fire sooner to have everything done/organized/cleaned?

Mary began with a stuffy nose yesterday that turned to a cough and fever. Mary never runs fever - I can count the number of times on one hand. My sister and brother-in-law will be here from Alabama today to begin the transfer process of the girls and have a short visit. True, he's a doctor and she's a nurse but I'd rather be the caregiver if she doesn't snap right out of it.

Julia who is usually restless at night (she'll scream in her sleep regularly) is actually calm for the moment. The windows are up again and I'm listening to the night sounds and comforted.

I'm concerned for our sons. First and foremost I feel that they are in a wonderful orphanage. I think it can get hectic at times but I feel they are safe and fed/clothed/housed with love and care. They have been there since the beginning of the year and I have watched as especially Abel has gone from the "deer in the headlights" look about him to curious for electronics (always seems intrigued with the adoptive parents' camera, usually on the couch with them or standing beside the chair). He's crept from almost always being in the shadows of group pictures and usually not looking at the camera to first cautious glances, the first hint of a smile playing on that handsome, solemn face, to our first grin, and recently to him beaming first with a toddler girl being picked up by her Dad and just this week with him on a couch with two apparently good buddies. I realize that he especially has been transformed by this refuge and he has found "home" for over half of this year at what we simply refer to as an orphanage. He has forged friendships/brotherhood bonds.

I guess I'm feeling nostalgic because I reflect back on how I felt when I moved from Memphis, TN to Wisconsin. I didn't notice the Midwestern accent (unless they spoke more like they did in the movie Fargo) but the people here sure did notice mine! Some were nice and said how much they enjoyed the way I talked. Some ridiculed. Some just commented that I was not FROM here (some still do). I moved here to marry and Marty was so excited to point out my new surroundings. We explored his old stomping grounds, schools, houses where he had lived and each place was surrounded by stories and I could envision what life was like for him growing up. It was so welcoming and yet at the same time I felt unbalanced because I couldn't share with him on the same level. My roots were far away and I couldn't reciprocate. I LOVE being here and all the changes and looked forward to embracing it but . . . wished I could share all my haunts and weave my history into his life as well.

After a few weeks I realized something else. I had quit looking at people's faces in public. I guess I had been scanning crowds unconsciously looking for a familiar face and was daunted at times by the realization that I wasn't about to run into a childhood chum or former schoolmate, coworker, neighbor, or former church member. I was an outsider and although this new life was thrilling and warm and exciting I also felt a little disjointed. And I was 42!

So, I'm thinking I guess more especially of Abel with his being older and I envision him more the caretaker of his little brother. And although I feel he will have a good live/home/surroundings etc. as a Phillipson I wonder how overwhelmed he's going to feel. I'm not talking simply about a change of accents and feeling like he can't share his life history with me, but a WHOLE DIFFERENT society. A different language. A whole new cuisine (if you can call my ability to prepare food that). He's going to be uprooted from his friends. In the orphanage where he has been living with his friends and sharing sleeping quarters (and maybe even bed itself) for 24/7 for the last half year a friend becomes family pretty fast. Shoot, I think of my sister-in-law that I MET for the first time when she began dating Marty's brother last year around Halloween and how she became my sister/friend so quickly (way before the marriage). We didn't live together. We didn't spend hours and hours together cavorting and such - imagine that . . . she prefered Mike to me! But how we bonded!

I simply ask for prayers for our newest family members. I pray that I can be sensitive to how traumatic this change may be in our sons' lives. Change is hard.

I don't want to get caught up in the idea that since we are providing home/family/love/materialism unfamiliar to these guys that it is instantly good and a natural order of process to be embraced without looking back. I want to be a nurturing mother that allows them to grieve and its difficult to know how to best soothe them or anticipate what is best when you don't know them - their personalities - their idiosyncracies - where their buttons are or as Dr. Phil would say . . . what their currency is.

Maybe it didn't help that yesterday as we were preparing for the trip we watched our first meeting with Julia still on the movie camera. 09/03/07!! Wow. She was so upset.

And I look at her now and laugh. She views the video and chatters away and I think she may recognize herself, but maybe not. And this child could not be any more MINE. We were giggling with a friend last night over a temper outburst from Julia. Marty was teasing that she got that sense of flair from me and we both agreed that this very strong-willed girl is very much like me. Marty and Mary are more similar in traits.

And I'm amazed and humbled at how this happens and wonder how you can't just see God's hands fashioning this. And I know that no matter what bumps and such that my sons and I will find our footing and begin to build our relationship much in the same way as we did with Julia. I have faith we will learn but just want to stay focused on looking to God to guide us and not beating myself up or becoming too overwhelmed when it seems that it may be taking a loooong time to find our way to family.

All change, even GOOD changes are a struggle.

Tomorrow

2008-08-19T07:22:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow my sister Mary Romer arrives with her husband Craig. They will ultimately take the girls home with them. Oh my goodness! This IS happening.

I have two packed Rubbermaid totes on my front porch as well as a box I'm sending out to a fellow Hopester (our affectionate terms for other adoptive parents at our Hope Adoption Agency) who has more room for donations. Also, I am returning my latest Amazon purchase - defective!

The girls and I have have tattooed arms this morning. Mary has two cats and a "meow" and Julia has more diplomatically a dog, a cat, and an "Arf".

I need to get cleaning the house - speech therapy arrives in two hours. If I can get the living room cleaned I think I'll do better.

Then back to WalMart for a THIRD time to see if I can get my new tires to function. We've had one defective one replaced already but Stan the Van is just skating all over the road lately and has the shimmies. I think EVERYONE around here is on edge!

Passport

2008-08-18T04:08:00.004-06:00

I am in the midst of also trying to ensure that we have all our paperwork in order - some extra forms we take to fill out for our embassy appointment, notarized home study, dossier copy (every required paper for the adoption), passports, etc. to pack in our handy-dandy backpack. They had been in the study on a shelf right above this very computer desk. A few days ago I went to register our trip with the US government and when I didn't immediately find my passport by reaching up, let the session time out for "another day/another time."

Well, yesterday I started trying to get this going in earnest. Mary and Marty's passports were right there. Mine and Julia's were not. I pulled out the desk and found a multitude of dust bunnies but nada on the passport front. Marty joined in. We sifted and sorted. He went to the basement to check my former workspace down there and I moved from cubbyhole to cubbyhole.

We were both tired and frustrated and trying to not lose perspective. Nada.

Marty kept telling me that he felt we had moved the two missing passports "just in case" we needed them for Julia's surgery or maybe when I applied for her social security or . . . something. I haven't needed them and I thought he was crossing over that edge of reasoning.

I finally had to give up and retreated to the bedroom. I'd been up at 4 and my eyes were dry and scratchy. I had researched how to obtain an emergency replacement and while it was EXPENSIVE I knew that this situation was not going to keep me from traveling to meet my sons for the first time and experience the country of their birth.

I prayed for clarity.

And without fanfare (I feel cheated) Marty walks in with the see-through Velcro folder he felt the missing documents were in and voila!

Where were the passports? Interestingly, they were in the middle of the floor of the boys' room. The room we have painstakingly cleared drawers for and folded clothes and culled all sorts of things to convert it from the "catch-all" status to their domain. No clutter anymore except for some pictures I need to move downstairs and a heavy clock that needs a good oiling of the mechanisms before being rehung. It wasn't "hiding" anywhere . . .

I don't need any more "excitement" around here!

Controlled chaos and differing agendas

2008-08-17T17:23:00.005-06:00

It seems that this is REALLY happening. I found a pretty neat-looking backpack on sale (half-off) yesterday at Kohl's and since mine broke in China last year, I now have a new carry-on. We are strictly limited I'm told to the 15# though. I plan to take the laptop and CD player and simply activities for the boys on the trip back because I'm not sure how much shopping there is to do in Addis Ababa for play dough, coloring books, stickers, etc.

It seems that wherever I start to concentrate it isn't the activity that Marty had in mind to accomplish and vice versa. Its really quite funny. We had some time this morning where the girls joined us in bed (or should I say the girls and I climbed in with Marty once we realized he was awake). The windows were up as they have been just about all week and it was nice to giggle and simply enjoy.

I tend to swing between resignation as to my limitations and frustration that I'm not further along in preparation for the trip as well as cleaning.

Then I look at my girls. Julia put this crazy wig on that she found downstairs. Precious, huh? I need to face it that at this point in my life I'm never going to be accused of being a Stepford wife.

BUT, we have fun. We applied tattoos today (three to each arm). We bought a single piece of cake and split it four ways. Why? One woman at WalMart is hearing impaired and saw Julia sign and was so enthralled with her. Cookie and cake are similar if not exactly the same and while Julia was thrilled with her cookie, she was asking for a CAKE. I guess I'm thinking . . . hehe - I'm buttering them up so that they won't forget I can be the fun/indulgent Mama too. Heck, I've got Mary Romer and Uncle Craig to compete with - I have to stack the deck somehow!

Oh well. I need to accept that I won't get it all done. I probably never will. We'll do what we can and make sure to take the time to make memories. I know that although they are looking forward to finally having the boys home it's going to be difficult to share the attention/spotlight.

And one more story! We frequent WalMart as it is the closest, most convenient shop-all store here. Currently they have these banner/pictures that hang from the ceiling advertising the back to school supplies and such. One such is a very stunning young man standing by a locker who is as Mary would say "brown". I was engrossed in looking at travel supplies and mentally going over my list and Julia begins excitedly . . . "Mama! Mama!" I survey quickly to check Mary's location (usually the source of Julia's excitement) and she is right nearby and not distracted by any item that Julia may be jealous of her access to. I then look at Julia in the basket to see what has her so worked up. "Mama, PAUL!" as she points with pure delight at the hanging banner.

So Mary thinks that any dark-skinned person is Ethiopian and Julia is now seeing her big brother in advertisements. Just goes to show you how terribly handsome he is that he is confused with a model in his youngest sister's eyes, doesn't it?

Recycle Jesus

2008-08-17T12:26:00.008-06:00

Mary was in VBS at church this week. She was sooooo very excited . . . maybe too much so. Sunday evening Marty and I took her along with Julia so that Julia could say her goodbyes and not fret when she couldn't find Mary. At pick-up Mary was wound so tight . . . more enthralled that they had cupcakes with sprinkles that you could apply yourself with a spoon. Of course once we get home it is about 9:15 and her bedtime is between 8-8:30, so she's pushing past p-max (maximum pressure).

Monday I returned a mite early and saw the children assembled and learning a song "Babel Rabble" and the motions that go with it. Mary was out of control, taking another girl's hands and they were in a dizzy game of spinning and such. We had a talk about what Vacation Bible School was for . . . while play was fun and you can have a great experience while learning, it was learning that should be key. And I know she cannot read the words on the overhead to the song and it was a mite advanced, but she needed to back it down and not disturb the other children that were wanting to learn the words and motion. Now granted, the number of children participating was pushing 100.

Tuesday I heard more about VBS. Kids are something else in their descriptions. She had her craft projects and such. To backtrack, the theme of VBS was "The Amazon Adventure." So, we had "trees" hanging in the hallway and the safari hats and such. It looked like fun. So Mary tells me that they went outside and played a new name that she really liked . . . called "Recycle Jesus." Whaaaat? I'm all for being green and wanting to save the planet, but ?????

"Please tell me more."

"Well" . . . she continues without seeming to take a breath (we're in the parking lot still of the church while others are headed to their cars and such). "Its a lot like 'duck, duck, goose' but instead you say 'recycle, recycle Jesus' and you run really fast if you are chosen as Jesus."

Hmm, my mind is spinning.

Then the light bulb comes on . . .

"Disciple, disciple Jesus???"

"Exactly Mom! Recycle, recycle Jesus!" I have to laugh. I have to call Sarah immediately from the cell phone to share this Mary moment and email some close friends/family members before the next day is done.

And the blessings flow. We had to skip the last night though - the sleep deprivation finally took its toll as Julia refused to sleep without her sister present and then of course Mary was sooooo wound up upon her return we were well past 10 at night. I'm still not convinced that Mary had self-control or listening skills honed. If she didn't I need to apologize to my White Stone community.

I must say she gets it from her Daddy's side of the family!!! :o)

Blessings -

Carole

Adoption etiquette - Three questions NOT to ask in public with my children listening

2008-08-16T06:59:00.009-06:00

There are so many various views of adoption - even in the cyberspace adoption world, especially with us adopting children who are racially different from us. Some passionately believe we can only live in a racially diverse environment and others feel that love will prevail as long as we give the children examples to look toward/model themselves that have similar physical characteristics.

I have been surprised at how many personal questions pop up by complete strangers. Once people realize that I am Julia's mom then they will look at Mary and ask . ..

1. "Is she yours?" Of course I realize they are asking if Mary is my biological child but they have put me in the situation of marking Mary as MORE my child than my other children (well, except Sarah but since she has never lived here with us I tend to think of her as grown and out there in the big world as an adult already). I usually rephrase my response to either say . . . "you mean biological?" or answer with "Mary is our biological daughter and we went all the way to China to adopt Julia." I slightly stress "all the way" because I want to ensure Julia that she is no less precious to us because she isn't biological. Mary took that special trip to China as well and stressing "all the way" conjures up the excitement and experience we had on the adventure. In all actuality there was more planning, preparation, frustration, expense, hoop-jumping, etc. in making Julia ours. Although our sons' adoption hasn't been as drawn out and filled with policy changes - it has still been tedious at times . . . although our support group online from the agency has made the journey . . . pleasant! Wow, I do feel that.

We will also get more personal questions . . .

2. "You can't HAVE children?" Hehe. Yes, we can. We do! Between us we have five glorious kids. Now why complete strangers (often times store clerks) think that I need to discuss the potential for my ability to conceive and carry a pregnancy vs. simply choosing to adopt/encompass/meld children into my family/home that are in need of a family is astounding. I know that most times the remarks are innocent and I do not take offense - but REALLY!!! I honestly don't know if we can have more children or not. We have had one significant miscarriage after Mary and with our advancing age it is likely that we may not be fertile anymore. I don't know - what is more I don't care. Adoption is a choice that we made. I'm open to discussing all the factors we considered, etc but not in the check-out line at WalMart . . . usually with the girls focused on our next task, nap, activity, meal, etc. I'm actually excited to facilitate an open discussion with anyone who is considering adopting and will also share my fellow adoptive moms email addresses/contact information so they can give a more well-rounded experience.

When asked in front of my children though often the question is presented that adoption must be the second choice/backup plan for us and that naturally we would have been reproducing kiddos if it were possible. This isn't true.

Now for the kicker . . .

3. "How much did he/she cost?" Oh my, don't get me started. These are my CHILDREN, not a puppy or commodity. Yes, adoption is expensive. Yes, you have to be prepared. But do you ask someone who has had an operation how much out of pocket they paid? How about their home costs? Their car? Their engagement ring? It is offensive, especially when spoken in front of my children. I did not BUY my children. Instead, I took the step of faith that whatever materialism I may have to forgo it is so very much less than the expense of when God adopted me to be His daughter. He paid with his Son.

Did you ever think that Jesus was adopted as well? Joseph wasn't his biological Dad.

What is "necessary" monetarily to be in place to parent children? Their own room? A prepaid college fund? Promise of their own vehicle at 16 or a private education? Does living what I believe "take away" from our children already home if it means they may not have designer clothing (which I wouldn't be buying anyway)? I'd rather parent by (hopefully) showing our children love, support, stability, acceptance, and a life centered around God. I do not want them to feel "beholding" to me for loving them. For me, it is as natural as breathing.

If you'd like to discuss how WE were able to adopt, I'm happy to. I can provide links to resources or point you to my adoptive guru friends who can give you the hook-up to assistance. There are grants and special adoption groups that have anonymous donors to assist with fees, loans, etc. While the fit of adoption is perfect for us it is not for everyone and I'm not out campaigning that my way of creating family is supposed to be your way. It takes sacrifice and commitment and determination. It requires forethought and love. It is . . . parenthood.

Passing time - bedrooms

2008-08-15T18:29:00.007-06:00

We're in major turmoil currently in our house physically. The girls room has been "dressed up" by Mary's recent birthday as our present to her was curtains/bedding and a flashier paint job on the wall. Well . . . sorta. We kept two walls the same color but with the T-shaped bunk bed configuration you can't shift that monster around with any ease and I HATE painting.

So, we picked some colors she liked (purple, pink, light blue) to add to the soft green and then with the aid of good ol' painters tape came up with a workable pattern. I had sent wall art to Ethiopia earlier (Dollar Tree) and I figured . . . hey, I can't mess THAT up! The results tickled Mary pink. We're currently needing to reinstall the curtains as I have since added room-darkening roman shades (due to my girls delighting in waking anywhere from 4:30-6 a.m.) and haven't gotten around to installing them again (everything shifted). I still plan to add a "canopy" around the perimeter of Mary's upper bunk with sheers - once again time is a factor.

The boys actually got their bunk bed first. We found both sets on Craig's list. They have a double bed on the bottom and twin on top so that if they choose to sleep together - there is room. Mary was immediately intrigued by the bed and would at first climb in the top bunk to escape her sister (and taunt her) but Julia learned to climb easily. We DID have to remove the lovely ceiling fans we had so painstakingly installed before though as the bedrooms are rather small and there was the potential for a head injury by leaning out of the top bunk. We'd found the girls happily placing Littlest Pet Shop animals on the blades (the fan was off) and then giving them a spin to send them flying around in circles. Julia climbs in the top bunk but cannot get herself down yet . . . THAT is how I was able to paint their room. I had forgotten that . . . she could watch me contentedly and I could paint without interference.

Although the girls have the bunk beds they choose to sleep together probably 50% of the time. This provides mixed results as you hear them snickering and animated conversations much later than we'd like at times. If we don't have a pressing engagement the next morning I usually let them cavort. Its interesting though in that they both refuse to use covers and flip-flop on the bed constantly. Sleeping with either child is a potential painful experience as you never know when a flailing limb may catch you off guard. Their beds are both twin-sized so them sleeping together can get . . . inventive as shown above.

Right now we are thinking the boys' room will simply be a work in progress. I was wanting to paint it if I had known their preference (I was thinking a very light olive/green or gray/blue). I have more extensive wall mural appliques in a jungle mural theme that would look like you're under the canopy . . . but I remembered Mary's delight in having an active participatory role in her room. Choosing made it HERS (and of course Julia's but then Julia just likes being with Mary). Its looking like we won't be painting unless time suddenly appears and I'll try to let the boys know that we will be helping them to create them a space to reflect their personalities. Shoot, because I'd like sleeping with glow-in-the dark stars on the ceiling with leopards and toucans and such on the walls doesn't mean my sons will! They may want . . . sports figures or spiderman or cars.

Please though . . . no Hello Kitty!!

Furry friends and surroundings

2008-08-15T05:07:00.007-06:00

The boys are coming home to pets. We had heard that hyenas could be a very real threat in Ethiopia and since our dogs are large (70# and up) we wanted to get them used to the idea of having companions. Our second album we sent to them from us contained multiple photos of the dogs and cat along with the girls playing beside them, laying on them, blowing bubbles at them (to have them pop). Hehe - once we thought the side of Marty's truck was dented because Cooper raced with such gusto after an errant bubble lifted on a breeze and he crashed full-force into the truck trying to keep it from lifting out of range. Chester and Cooper are goldendoodle brothers whose dad is a Standard Poodle and mom is a golden retriever. Louie is a huge golden retriever (not the tallest but the heaviest/sturdiest I've encountered) that was Marty's dog before we married. I brought a little black cat from Memphis when I moved here named Gilda. She thinks she is a canine and will "hold her own" with her brothers - except when Chester gives her a goose when he's feeling frisky and then its worth a race around the house or yard.

Julia had watched dogs from her foster home we had been told but apparently didn't have much contact before meeting our guys. She was cautious but curious and we kept the child gate up so she could view them and get used to their habits once we arrived home. We found her "chatting" with them through that child gate within hours. The gate went down the next day and it was a smooth transition. Before her cleft was repaired and while she was still gorging her food she would get frequent "assistance" from Louie in cleaning her face. I was amazed watching this less than 20 pound child leaning into him to offer herself to his massive tongue (he's over 120#). He has always been gentle. The only bumps and pushes come from when the guys think Marty is about to go outside (potential walk) or throw the kong or such. They will scramble and then . . . look out!

The cat? Goodness. The first day upon our return Gilda walked to the door to be let out (she had been contained indoors while we were in China). I drew Julia's attention to her and said . . . "see the cat?" in a soft voice. The cat didn't approach or look at us - she was wanting the door opened. Julia screeched and began shaking in a movement similar to a seizure her horror was so very profound. I felt terrible and immediate picked Julia up and opened the door. Julia's terror was palpable. Egads - I considered the dogs as potentially traumatic but this little front-declawed feline? Now this cat Mary considers her personal domain and once Julia realized Mary's relationship (and that her interest in Gilda would drive Mary NUTS) then the problem resolved quickly.

Our front yard provides all sorts of places to explore and run and such. There is a creek mainly in the spring that crosses the property complete with a wooden bridge necessary to get to the very front of the yard. Since we are in Wisconsin we have snow in the winter and I believe a good balance of seasons. I sent lots of photos of snow so that the boys will have an idea of what is around the bend (we got over 100 inches last year). Being a transplanted Southern gal, I still think snow is absolutely exciting and find myself continuing to be fascinated by snow plows (until 2002 I had only seen them on the national news).

Yet I digress (I know you are shocked). Life around here is basically pretty simple. I recently became a stay-at-home mom and wonder how I managed when I was still working from home full-time. I guess you simply do what you need to and don't analyze. With the boys coming home I am not anticipating returning anytime soon - we'll get adjusted first and probably get the kids all settled in school. Did I say settled? Thinking positive. With adoption you are told to expect the worst and then delight in the results. I do believe that you have to consider all scenarios and have your eyes open but I absolutely do not believe that you should limit your families potential with negative thinking either. It can be a delicate balance.

Our house is a 70s ranch. Its not "fancy" by materialistic standards but we find it charming, safe, and filled with joy. I make no excuses. It is often cluttered and disorganized (I'm constantly working on that) but in my heart it is a castle. The children will not have their own individual rooms. I was raised sharing a room with my sisters until junior high and although it could get frustrating at times to share (we switched partners regularly) we also learned about compromise and . . . goodness all the secrets shared and frustrations that surfaced that goes along with not being compartmentalized in your own private domain. I'm not sure that if given the opportunity that I would have the children in individual rooms . . . I'd rather have more common living areas/play space. Did I mention a dishwasher? Ha!!

So, here's to life on Phillipson Pharms . . . Phillipson phields? :o) We feel we have our own little piece of paradise here.

The older kids - Sarah and her husband Andy

2008-08-13T18:07:00.009-06:00

I have a daughter from my prior marriage - Sarah. She is now 26-1/2 years old and lives in Indiana with her husband, Andy. Once Sarah got over the shock and embarrassment of her mother being pregnant at an advanced age (her view - not mine!) she really got on board with the idea. True, having 21-1/2 years between my first two children makes for an interesting mix of playmate/aunt/sister. Their relationship evolves constantly. For a LOOOONG time Sarah felt that Miss Mary was pure delight and could do nothing wrong but as she has seen her interact with Julia I've heard exchanges that have me giggling that although they've never lived under the same roof . . . they are SISTAHS!

Sarah married Andy when Mary was I believe between six and seven weeks old. THAT was a memory-maker; traipsing down to Memphis with a nursing baby, husband, and mother-in-law. Fortunately I had known Andy before I ever moved up here as he was Sarah's friend first so I didn't have to worry as to his character or intentions. Mary and Julia simply call him their brother and we don't feel the need to add the "in-law" to the mix. He also was simply my son and we love him.

The older kids come probably every-other-month to keep up-to-date on the developmental milestones of their little sisters. Mary thinks that Andy is her personal playmate/book narrator. He allows her to style his hair. Sarah enjoys snapping up clothes and such for the girls and I enjoy not having to shop myself - they have marvelous tastes and can hone in on a bargain. When we are out together people often assume we are three generations rather than two and we don't usually bother to correct it. Sarah REALLY has a flair with fixing especially Mary's hair and it shows . . . I'm more of a ponytail only Mom.

So, becoming a sister was a bit of an adjustment for Mary last year as well as she had a very distorted view of sisterhood. To her it entailed someone coming in and bestowing time, attention, and affection for long weekends and then leaving with promises to return. Ha!! Reality check!!! Actually although we had some real issues there for a bit last year Mary never expressed her desire to have her sister live in another state. Thank you Sarah for setting an example!

Parental Unit - Carole

2008-08-13T07:30:00.002-06:00

Goodness, now I'm talking about myself! This isn't easy.

I'm a transplanted Southern gal who found herself living in the Midwest, married to my favorite person, and now a stay-at-home mother to soon-to-be four children. I still have my accent. Although I embrace where I am I will always have those Southern roots and I realize with each trip home (now Alabama although I have never lived there) that I miss little things about being in the South . . . and I don't miss many others (HEAT, HUMIDITY). I'd like to think that I have the ability to grow where planted and that I would be content about anywhere that my family is.

I'm no saint. I have a temper that can flash and can find myself discouraged in the face of all that God has promised me. I get angry at unjust situations and meanness. I am protective of my family. I'm uncoordinated. I can find a song that will fit just about any quirky situation and love singing. Although I used to play guitar, those skills have faded from lack of cultivation/practice. Reading used to be a favorite but now when I start a book I find myself waking with my face pressed in the pages (and checking for drool). I enjoy gardening (although I sometimes give up when the grass creeps in) and animals.

I was married before a looooong time ago (over a quarter of a century) and that experience served to make me that much more appreciative of the immense blessings I find bestowed on myself.

The prospect of more children while approaching 50 is not scary at all. I think faith plays such a huge role in all of this and it so very hard to try to explain to those who haven't experienced it.

And we are not out to "save" the world. We are not angels for reaching out or selfless. Actually, I think I'm being pretty selfish. I have this wonderful life and partner who enjoys his family as do I. We may not have a dishwasher (don't GET me going) but we have a lot of love, support, and the means to provide for our children. We have laughter. We have DOGS and a cat. We have God and a love that is a reflection of His love for us. We wanted more children - simply. I want the opportunity to parent boys. I love my girls (and we requested that Julia be a girl so it isn't a matter of having this unfulfilled desire to have a son). Our sons needed a second chance at having family. We have the opportunity to become that family for them and grow beyond our imagination.

Isn't it awesome that with adoption there is such POTENTIAL? Isn't it with any situation if you simply listen and take heed where the Spirit leads you?

Parental Unit - Marty

2008-08-13T06:51:00.004-06:00

First there is Marty. Oh goodness - what can I say about this man? First of all I may be prejudiced because I am crazy-wild for him. I waited a long time to find him (can you say . . . 42 years?) and all that was before simply pales in comparison to what is NOW.

Marty is genuine. He's gregarious and friendly and simply REAL. What you see is what you get. He's comfortable in his own skin and such a jokester. When asked for input he will offer his perspective and then its up to you to accept or pass it over (well, maybe not for ME as much). I find this trait very intriguing and sometimes unappreciated. If you don't accept his thoughts and you find yourself in a pickle he will NOT be the one to say "I told you so." Rather, he'll leave it to you to determine where the task went wrong. There aren't too many men that don't feel the need to have their stamp on everything. His strength of character is remarkable as he doesn't need constant stroking or approval.

Marty cherishes his family - maybe because we met/married later in life, but somehow I don't think so. I feel appreciated. I don't take being loved for granted. He appreciates his family - both the children and myself as well as our extended families. He thinks my family is about as neat as sliced bread. They "get" him as well in turn.

Fatherhood is cherished. I can honestly say that this man soaks in the joy of parenting like the best of the pack. Yes, it can get tedious and tiring and such. But his zest for life is simply contagious and he embraces his children with a joy that is palpable. He leads by quiet example and at times will be simply goofy to relate to the girls (and soon-to-be boys) best. I've marveled at how he lets down his guard and opens up and lets his inner child step forward and interact with these children we have been blessed to raise. He's so much more PHYSICAL than I ever would attempt. When we first met Julia she would flinch and protest at any action that lifted her, especially any quick movement or being held away from the body. Now? Shoot she adores being swung out and flipped upside down. She's going to be a roller-coaster rider. I would not have tested her to broaden her boundaries, but with her father she is fearless. I still look at him holding her up near the ceiling and seeing her mouth fly open in utter joy and think . . . isn't is marvelous how God made us to complement each other?

Don't get me wrong - his lap/recliner is a hot-spot in our household. We've recently put a one-child limit on this position to enable more one-on-one bonding and the girls rotate regularly. Wonder what's around the bend for us?

Either way, we're just happy to be here, to be together, to be in this wonderful adventure that God has allowed us to experience. Forget retirement and travels (although I cannot complain as I got to see CHINA and am headed to ETHIOPIA)! At this point I'd rather experience my children's laughter.

2008-08-12T13:25:00.000-06:00

Just had to add this photo of our visit to see the raccoons nearby last Friday. Julia was fascinated by them and with their chirring noises and such she was totally nonphased. Mary surprised us by entering the cage but still decided the bunnies were her favorite.

The sisters

2008-08-12T12:08:00.004-06:00

We've been referring to the boys collectively as "the brothers" around our home for months. You'd think we were expecting some monks around here. So, I guess it is fair to refer to the girls as "the sisters" collectively as well. For those that are not as familiar, Mary just turned 5 recently and Julia is 2-1/2.

We brought Julia home from China in mid-September of last year. Wow!! Time flies, doesn't it? Since that time she has incorporated herself into our hearts and lives with such determination and joy that I cannot fathom what we could have possibly done without her. She had surgery earlier this year to close her cleft palate and weekly speech therapy has given her a newfound voice. Even if she lost all ability to verbalize, she speaks so directly and eloquently to the heart - you'd hardly notice. She and her sister Mary share such a profound connection that I cannot imagine one child without the other. They fuss and scramble and plot and explore without tiring. Julia is Mary's shadow and fights between trying to emulate each nuance of every activity and wanting to be totally independent.

Mary? Goodness - what do I say about Mary? What CAN I say . . . meaning that this very vocal child is in the nonstop talking phase - or "streaming" as her uncle Craig claims. She can be bossy and controlling, yet loving and nurturing at the same time. She is excited about having her brothers finally home and at this point has quit stressing to us that she KNOWS that she has a brown sister still waiting for us. She loves dressing up and ballet and crowns and shoes. She adores having a sister. She's happy playing alone or snuggled up for a book. She is determined to be a runner like her Dad and although she loves the outdoors she HATES mosquitos (which we have plenty of in Wisconsin this year). Her all-time favorite animal is her cat, which she will talk your ear off describing her if given a chance.

While we are gone they will be headed down to Huntsville, AL where they will stay with their Aunt Mary Romer (of our China blog fame) and Uncle Craig, who live a stone's throw from my parents, Grand Tine and Grand Lamar. I am afraid that they will become too comfortable with life down there and not want to return! We have been down there three times already this year (since I lost my job) and they already feel right at home - so much so that Mary even told her Aunt Sheryl last month that we were planning on moving. We are not planning it, but she would like to transition between locations.

Julia? Shoot, she's just pretty flexible. I had wondered even with her first trip how she may be affected with yet another change of scenery and she seems to simply adapt almost effortlessly.

We'll see once we have her brothers home! :o)

Welcome

2008-08-11T12:59:00.001-06:00

We would like to welcome you to the journey to our sons. Sons! Man, never thought that word would ever come to fruition in MY vocabulary. Through this blog I hope to be able to keep you all abreast of the happenings in the completion of this adoption of our sons, Abel and Tekleab - soon to be Paul Martin and Samuel Michael (with their approval).

Soooo, have you "met" the boys yet? We were much quieter about this adoption than Julia's last year for various reasons. Mainly, the wait is not easy and not without complications and after hitting so many roadblocks and snags and such with her journey it begins to rate about as popular as asking a 10-1/2 month pregnant woman . . . "You haven't had that baby YET?" And yes, we know that without caring there would be no questions as to progress or lack thereof.

I hope to get you all up to speed on the process thus far, the boys themselves, and our upcoming trip to meet them and bring them home.

These are referral photos of the boys - aren't they handsome?

Some quick facts . . . they are brothers. Abel (and it is pronounced A-BELL, not like Able as most everyone I know says from the Cain/Abel story) is older. He is described as very sweet and caring. For months I did not see a full smile - but I have since we received his referral. He is caring and attentive. He (I'm almost embarrassed to post this) is fascinated by . . . upper arm fat! Can you imagine? :o)

Tekleab (Tek-LOB) is more shy but comes out of his shell easily. I've been told that I'll have my hands full. GOOD!

The boys live in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia which is the city I believe where they were born. They both have January birthdays and their ages are 5 and 3. Records are not exact for the country and their chronologic ages may be different, but for now we are simply going with what we have been told.

We will ask them (through an interpreter) if they will accept their "new" names. We had toyed with the idea and will consider keeping all or part of their Ethiopian names. Unlike Julia, their names were given by their birth-family and are a part of their heritage. We in turn, would like to share their new family names (of course Martin is Marty's first name and Michael is his older brother's middle name). Both of us have had Paul as uncles (can you see the Bible theme?) and Samuel was just a name we were drawn to. Currently the boys' names mean "breath of God" and "planted from God" and I cherish the fact of the significance of the meanings.

I hope to address many of the common questions that arise with adoption and not sound trite. One of the most pressing and common is "Ethiopia????" I smile just thinking of this. Yes, my sons are dark. Mary has already corrected someone as to her brothers being black . . . she simply lovingly stroked their photos and said "they are BROWN." The admiration and joy in noticing that difference made me take note of my defensiveness in the original comment.

Many (if not all) of you know that Marty went to Ethiopia last spring as part of a mission group. We had been working on Julia's adoption for quite some time at that point, and had just switched to China's special needs program and been approved to adopt Miss Julia. Marty had her referral photo on the trip.

The trip was amazing and a total life-changing event for Marty - not only simply the fact that this homebody of a man chose to leave to travel with a group of women he had not met (except one woman in WalMart once), but he came home with a fire in his heart for Ethiopian sons. He didn't want a singular son and didn't want a baby. There was a quiet strength in his desire and I must admit I was overwhelmed that even while in China he was referring to our sons still waiting. Basically it comes down to the fact that there is an OVERWHELMING need for families for these children. If you have witnessed first hand, are led to act, and in turn do nothing I believe it is sin. Adoption is not for everyone - but it is for us and it is how we choose to grow our family.

After we got settled in with Julia and Mary and they began adjusting to the idea of being family we began our journey to the boys. It has been amazingly swift in comparison with China. We didn't start until after the beginning of the year with our first application. Our choice in adoption agency is Hope Adoption Agency in Missouri - a small, no-frills operation that is run simply for the purpose to bring families to the children waiting as opposed to bringing children to waiting families. Although it is not a requirement to be a Christian, the group is one of the most amazing, loving, and Christ-like examples I have seen. We pray together, we celebrate homecomings and console the disappointments.

When I was suddenly asked if we would consider accepting the referral of these handsome boys in February I just melted. I cried. I called Marty. We accepted immediately and then had to backtrack to get our home study agency to support us because since it happened much faster than we anticipated, Paul is actually older than Mary and this is considered a no-no by many in the adoption community. It was after we accepted (acceptance took us maybe 5-10 minutes) that the coordinator asked . . . "Did you want to SEE them?" Haha - we didn't even consider that! We simply had prayed for God to lead us to the agency we should be at that we didn't consider it a question of IF we would accept a referral - much less see them first.

So that is the story of how we started!